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Separated, but she''s living in my house - my right

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15 Aug 12 #349751 by CheapDivorce
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I left my wife after four months of marriage and also left her and our three year old daughter living in my property - solely in my name, purchased four years prior to our marriage, however she did move in with me at this point too.

I paid all mortgage payments and bills from the time of purchase with no contribution from her, and she has only paid bills for last six months since I''ve been left, although I''ve continued wih mortgage and other household payments.

I have asked her to leave the property and said I will reimburse her for bills paid these last six months. I have also said that our daughter can continue living with me in the property until she sources alternative residence. I plan to sell the property and money accumulated from the sale will be split as part of our divorce settlement.

She is point blank refusing to move and says I can''t kick her out as she is my wife and has rights. She is also refusing to divorce me and keeps threatening to stop me seeing our daughter if I don''t carry on with all payments.

I am really struggling to make ends meet paying mortgage, loan repayments from our wedding and rent for my temporary place. All my wages goes onto that and CSA maintenance, I can''t afford a solicitor, whereas she gets all free legal aid as she''s unemployed.

Please help - what are my rights?

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15 Aug 12 #349753 by WYSPECIAL
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She is right in that as your wife she has the right to live there.

No such thing as free legal aid. It''s a loan which may have to be paid back.

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16 Aug 12 #349779 by hawaythelads
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Even though you only married 4 months ago you lived in the marital home for 4 years prior to your 4 month marriage.
The law adds them 4 years onto your 4 months.
So effectively you have been married 4 years 4 months.Now you have a 3 year old kid who has lived in that house also since birth.
The main point in a divorce that the law concentrates on is that the child is housed.
It doesn''t matter that the house is solely in your name and that you have paid all the running costs you are married she gets minimum half the equity in the house.
But lets not get ahead of ourselves here with a 3 year old kid in tow your wife will more than likely pocket all the equity in the house if a court allows it to be sold at all definately don''t work on a single bloke walking away with any more than 25% of equity.If you and your wife have a major disparity in income on top of the 15% csa payment you''ll be paying her to raise the kid I''d figure another 15% on top of your take home for spousal maintenance as well until the kid is 19.
Yes indeed my top advice for any divorcing bloke with young kids is stop thinking that any of it is yours and start working out how many black bin bags will be required to get your stuff out of their house.
All the best
HRH xx

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16 Aug 12 #349818 by cookie2
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CheapDivorce wrote:

She is point blank refusing to move and says I can''t kick her out as she is my wife and has rights. She is also refusing to divorce me

She is correct. She has home rights to the property on account of being your wife. It does not matter than it is in your sole name. I would not be surprised if she has even changed the locks to keep you out.

As for refusing to divorce you, well you cannot get a divorce within 12 months of your marriage anyway so no point trying to push for that. You will have to file on your first wedding anniversary (like I did). If you use unreasonable behaviour then she cannot refuse it, UB does not require her permission, cooperation or even her signature.

As for refusing contact with the children, this is an evil tactic employed all too often. Unfortunately she has you over a barrel here. The best thing to do is simply ignore these threats and do what is best for you. If she chooses to withhold contact then you should not bother fighting or taking court action, you should simply say "fine. I would like to have more contact. If you ever change your mind please let me know". The fact is that once the dust settles and the divorce is done, most single mothers would relish a break from the kids to have their own space. And so contact for the father usually becomes more frequent. But while the emotions are high you might have to just lump it and go along with whatever timetable she decides to set.

Haway is always right about the split, 25% for the bloke seems rather generic but all too often this is true. If you want a more accurate outcome you can provide the details:

1) Your respective ages
2) Your respective incomes including any benefits
3) House value and outstanding mortgage amount
4) Any other assets such as savings, shares, trust funds etc
5) Any debts such as credit cards, loans, etc
6) Your respective pension sizes

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16 Aug 12 #349908 by CheapDivorce
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Hi sorry I should have said, we actually separated nine months ago - however, since I''ve mentioned her contributing to the mortgage as I cannot afford all the expenses (and she is the one living there after all!) she has kicked off about refusing to divorce me and not letting me see my daughter.

It is an evil tactic indeed and she knows how much it hurts me - she''s even breaching the written agreement we previously came to, but she says it has no legal basis (and I suppose that''s right?)

To be honest, for me, she can have the house and the majority of the equity after we divorce if she would make the mortgage payments - I just need to get rid of that monthly expense as I have no money to live on at the moment. Of course I''m be paying child maintenance too.

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16 Aug 12 #349916 by cookie2
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OK, so she''s going to use child contact as a blackmail tool whenever she doesn''t get her way. So as with most cases of blackmail and terrorism the best thing to do is not to negotiate. Carry on as best you can and do what you think is best. If she chooses to withhold contact then there is nothing you can do about that. Capitulating to her demands to ensure contact will just mean she uses the same tactic again and again. Pursuing it through court is a big fat waste of time and money. Don''t fight with her, just say you accept her decision although you do not agree with it, you would like more contact, and that if she changes her mind she knows how to contact you.

If the marriage is over which it clearly is, then that means a divorce. If she is refusing to cooperate then you should use unreasonable behaviour. As I said she is not able to "refuse" a divorce on this basis since her consent is not required.

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16 Aug 12 #349927 by CheapDivorce
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My concern is that she won''t change her mind - currently I see my daughter every evening after work (bar Weds) and either Saturday or Sunday or every other weekend both days (and overnight).

Obviously to go from that level of contact to having nothing is making me miserable. I said can we keep finances and our daughter separate and she said if I refuse to pay the mortgage I am essentially kicking my daughter out on the street and therefore don''t deserve to see her, and good luck being able to afford solicitor''s fees to allow for contact, so ''see me in Court''.

I haven''t responded to messages for the past week as they are all along the same lines and as you said, I thought she might come round as she would be feeling the pressure of being a full time single mum, but she still hasn''t.

I am going to file for divorce immediately - now I''ve found out about this website, it seems to make it so much easier than what I''ve found so far.

Have people been through the experience of divorcing without solicitors and had a positive outcome? I am slightly uneasy that I do not legally understand everything.

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