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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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Single Mother - Am I being legally sideswept?

  • rainbowsknow
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24 Nov 21 - 24 Nov 21 #518186 by rainbowsknow
Topic started by rainbowsknow
My first post here...
To briefly explain my situation. Long term marriage, husband had an affair and left me with newborn twins to live with the other woman.
It wasnt a bitter ending as I still loved him. However he divorced me and then submitted a financial order for a lump sum payment which then changed to just wanting the removal of his name from the mortgage.
I have been paying all costs of the family home.
I cant afford to go to court and therefore I am having to represent myself. I couldnt bare the further stress of court and so offered to buy him out of the mortgage in a years time.
I will, benefit from proceeds of the sale (after fees and early repayment charges etc), although I presumably would have had the vast majority of the equity granted anyway as I have two infant children full time etc and I have maintained the home myself.

However, I am very intimidated by the Consent Order, the fact that this date is set in stone.
I am realising the immense stress moving home on my own with two infants will take on me and the children.
And the possabilities for myself still not being in a good enough financial position to take on a sole mortgage. (We currently live in a affluent area and so the children and I will see a 'further' huge huge detriment to our lifestyle for what I can afford)

Despite my ex husband having the affair, he wont talk to me, but it appears all he wants is his name off the family home mortgage asap.
All I want is as much time as possible for the best chance possible of getting on my feet financially and ensuring the children and I are ok emotionally. The trauma caused by this situation makes working very difficult.

I feel like my childrens best interests should be taken into account, but if Im not going to court, this cant be heard?

Am I being unreasonable to want more time?
Is there anything I can (in the absence of a solicitor) do to assure the other parties that I am not delaying a sale unreasonably, but that I am genuinely trying to achieve the best future outcome for myself and the children?

Last edit: 24 Nov 21 by rainbowsknow.

  • mirage63
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25 Nov 21 #518191 by mirage63
Reply from mirage63
My undertanding is that you can only remove him from the mortgage if the mortgage company allow it and they will only do that if you can afford the mortgage on your own. If he has to stay on the mortgage then this will impact on him from getting another mortgage with his new partner but that will not be your problem.

Do you have a signed, sealed Consent Order? Did you get full financial disclosure such as savings, pensions, any outstanding debts, salary income?

It is not clear if you are having to sell the FMH when you say he only wants his name removed from the mortgage as this should allow you to stay especially as you have 2 very young children to house as a priority. As above you can only try to sell and get his name removed.

  • rainbowsknow
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25 Nov 21 #518195 by rainbowsknow
Reply from rainbowsknow
Thats the frustrating part, Ive been paying everything myself on a part time wage, but 'on paper' im single and wether I will 'have' to sell our home is upto the mortgage companies...I fear they wont put it in my sole name.

(I did wonder if him changing to a Guarantor on the mortgage may help both of us at the same time?)

Im sure I would be able to get 'a' mortgage 'a' roof over our heads somewhere, but the quality of the property would be such a drastic downgrade (whilst my exhusband can just replicate our FMH) that doesnt seem fair.
Him and the affair partner are on good money.

No, the Consent Order isnt signed.

I feel like im been railroaded:
No chance at a conversation/mediation
Forced into court
Forced to agree to something to release my exhusband 'asap', which im not sure if me and the children will be ok from.

When I had a solicitor I asked for a Mesher Order basis, as I had x2 children of nursery age, even if it was just to see them through the first years of primary school...but he advised me that courts dont approve these anymore??
Just looking at this forum seems to defy that logic though and now im worried im being pushed, because I cant afford court.

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25 Nov 21 #518197 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
You can represent yourself in court. If he is paying for the application it doesn't need to cost you anything.

Court is highly unlikely to allow a Consent Order that allows you and two young children to be potentially homeless.

Post more details of ages, incomes and all assets for people to comment on what may be seen as fair.

Unless the FMH is far bigger than your needs then it is likely you will be able to stay there since you have already demonstrated you can afford the costs of doing so.

Unlucky for your ex but I think they are heading for a reality check.

  • rainbowsknow
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26 Nov 21 - 26 Nov 21 #518201 by rainbowsknow
Reply from rainbowsknow
Honestly, I wouldnt be able to cope with the stress/worry of outcome through court, im at my absolute maximum coping ability since the affair.
So its a rock and a hard place.

Im 40, my total income is roughly £19k, if I was full time itd be around £28k. His is £38k and the affair partner £27k+.

The only asset is the FMH. £270k which has increased in value and we put £35k equity into it. (My parents put £26k into our last properties renovation which got us that equity)

My exHusband only lived in the FMH a few weeks before I discovered the affair. (So he signed into a 5yr fixed commitment plus other commitments then left it all in a matter of weeks.)
He left us literally in an empty shell, I still dont have basic necessities such as a bed, wardrobe, curtains etc, because I prioratised getting the childrens things and a sofa etc.

The house is 4 bedrooms. I have a girl and a boy so I would need 3 bedrooms. The 4th bedroom is their playroom so personally, I dont see 1 extra room as far beyond my needs, but it is a good sized, detached home?

I need every penny I can to try re-create a good life for the children. We used to have about £2k a month to play with...now we have £500, its a totally different life. Which was obviously impacted by the fact he left when we'd just had our children.
Ive never really found out if lifestyle is something a court looks at?

I would imagine that through court a judge may allow me to remain/pay for the FMH but that upon sale my ex receive some of the initial equity we put in, which then leaves me worse off as Im not able to save.

We had about £5k of debt in his name, which he's agreed to pay off.

I have no savings.

Dunno if its unlucky for my ex, but he could walk right back if he wanted...
Last edit: 26 Nov 21 by rainbowsknow.

  • mirage63
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28 Nov 21 #518206 by mirage63
Reply from mirage63
You have no signed, sealed Consent Order so there's no agreement and the only way your ex could force a sale would be through the courts, and has already been said, the court would not force you a sale with 2 very young children to support.

You mention having to sell in a year but there is no signed Consent Order so this can be ignored by you. Why not just remain there until the children are 18 and then maybe you'd be in a better position to either sell or take on the mortgage by yourself? In the meantime he has to pay maintenance for his children (a fixed formula)? You have not mentioned this at all.

I'd say it is keeping a roof over your children's heads that is the main issue and not lifestyle and he may have to contribute to this.

Do your parents want their £26000 back as this could possibly be deducted from the equity if you can prove it was a loan and not gifted?

You don't mention pensions at all. Pensions need to go into the pot too.

I expect he knows you cannot afford to go to court but don't be rushed into agreeing anything as housing the children is the priority.

  • rainbowsknow
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28 Nov 21 #518207 by rainbowsknow
Reply from rainbowsknow
Theres a court date in 2 weeks and the letter says I need to have submitted the signed Consent Order/statement of information etc BY this date.

Im very frustrated that my solicitor advised me that Mesher orders were no longer approved.
To be honest I wouldnt even expect to stay in the home until the children are 18yrs, I just want to see them through the most crucial young years undisturbed/with lesser stress/in our nice home...and im happy to support this financially myself.

I did go through CMS and he is now paying CM. His solicitor states that my income is higher than his clients as he 'includes' the CM as 'my' income, which is unfair considering my exhusbands wage is all his to do what he wants with Vs my income has to house and care for all three of us.

No, my parents dont want the money back.

(Pensions, I dont understand anything about, but when my parents paid for me to have a solicitor respond to the divorce, my solicitor said the pension share that is in the financial order is 'the usual' so...thats been the least of my worries.)

With Christmas being upon us, I need to get on with that for the children and yet I feel like im having a mental breakdown with this pressure and confusion as to 'what' should I do re the constent order.

I received this financial order last year just before Christmas with deadlines to complete and to still be going through it over another Christmas is horrendous.

Im not sure if I can request an extension to sign the Consent Order via his solicitors or to write to the court?

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