An explaination!

All that I can say is that Greek weddings cost more! Greek parents save for years for their kids weddings...its a cultural thing...the serious point is that the legal costs of a divorce rarely exceed the cost of a marriage.

Whilst I can well understand the fact that a few of you have had terrible experiences of the divorce process, I would suggest that this site is a fairly broad house, people from all levels of society face similar problems when their marriage ends. I am simply concerned that there are so many whinging posts blameing everyone except ourselves...the short point is that most of us are at least partly to blame for the mess we find our selves in when the marriage goes belly up...transfering this blame on to some long suffering solicitor is simply wrong.

FIONA

This is not me telling you to go sleep in your drawers but with all due respect I don't think you should comment about things you don't know about if you haven't had personal experience of it. You say that Np's and Nw's/Nh's shouldn't get involved in their partners divorce, well, in a perfect world half of us don't want to do that because we are probably still in the throws of sorting out our own previous relationships but the two major reasons we get so deeply involved is because:

a) Their ex- partners decide to drag us into it thinking that they can use our finances to better their own situation. It doesn't work like that, I was asked how much I earn and how much my former home was worth however I wasn't asked how much I was still contributing to my former home or how much debt was on it??? When I resisted and said I did not feel I was part of this divorce and didn't want to be involved because I wasn't the reason he left his ex (5 years previous to meeting me) I was told that like it or not I was involved and that my finances made a difference to his eventual outcome and that we had to be honest on form E. OK, fair enough so I responded but when I tried to tell them that actually I have to pay this to my former home as I agreed to do when I left or that I owed that they said it wasn't necessary for me to go that deep because this is his case not mine! Ah ha dam cheek! So they want to know the good stuff but not the bad! - That way it was making him look very comfortable indeed and it was HIS solicitor that was insisting on this information! We in fact are struggling desperately to make new lives for ourselves again by having to work twice as hard than when we were younger! So, please don't tell me I as a NP shouldn't get involved - I HAD NO CHOICE - his ex and her solicitors saw to that by making me involved which leads me to:

b) Emotions!!! When you are living with a person who all they want to do is sort this out and move on but are dealing with somebody so, so stubborn that won't listen to reasonable offers, then you do become involved, you do get angry for them because you feel their sadness, their frustration and yes, it causes terrible rows between the most loving of couples!! You become drawn in and deeply involved without even realising it and especially when it takes over your life 24/7 for months or even years! You cannot help but become involved and find yourself trying to help ease the situation by looking into different ways for them both to resolve their issues 'cos you too just want it all over.

If you haven't been a New Partner, New Wife/Husband Fiona, don't comment because you don't understand any of it as both myself and Louise11 do!!! Don't you think we would rather wake up in the morning and get on with OUR lives instead of being in the midst of someone elses battlefield??

By the way OBE send his regards to all but has bowed out at this time so I have taken over his threads as his head has gone! His Ex who has bought him all this way to the FH which is on Friday has now decided she has got cold feet and doesn't want to attend court!! Now around 10k in debt and us 6k what the hell is this mess all about and this huge cost has not resolved one thing - they are no further forward??????? I would have thought being a nervous soul her solicitor at some stage should have recognised this and should have advised her to do collaborative law or a round table meeting and bring this thing to an end earlier on. Even OBE knew his ex would not be able to face court!!!

So London greek, yet another solicitor who didn't know when to say enough is enough and bring her expenses to an end by advising her client correctly! Instead she continued to allow her fees to spiral out of control, and even our solicitor has agreed to that one!!!

I agree LondonGreek no one person in divorce is totally to blame, there are always two people in a situation but when it comes to divorce it ends up as 4 people in a situation (the two solicitors instructed) and in my experience the solicitors are more concerned about fighting each other and who will win than the two people concerned that are ultimately suffering as a consequence and footing the bill!!

Nice ones!

OBEs 1 Canoodly

Just to add, on the subject of spiralling fees etc.

At court (before we even got to see the judge) my ex agreed to a 60/40 split on her favour.

I had offered this split a considerable time before, however she/solicitor had been unwilling to move from their stance of 90/10 & 80/20 split.

They would not even go so low as a 70/30 split in the "negotiations" over the many months.

By the time she agreed to this split, my costs we already in excess of 10k and hers probably around 6k.

So by her/solicitors obstinance in this case, we were both left with hefty fees out of a settlement that could've been agreed when costs were relatively minor.

Oh I think I know whose feathers are ruffled fiona I didn't post that thread to have a go at anyone I was trying to explain that everyone has emotions not just ex-partners because I know it is a very emotional time! Yes, I too have my own problems to deal with luckily I don't have any scavanger solicitors in tow taking up any of my kids precious inheritance.

I have great karma with most people on this site but from most of the postings you send you do seem to rub up the wrong way!

I take back what I said, stick to sleeping in the Knife Drawer that was a brilliant expression used and most be-fitting for you!

OBEs

Sorry folks,

not been following this thread for a number of days now, and can't believe the tone it has taken on!! When did this forum turn into a podium for back-stabbing and insults. Come on everyone, we are allowed to hold our own opinions and voice them, but that doesn't give us the right to disregard and insult the views of others.

And i cetainly don't think its right to class all solicitors in the same bracket! There may be some that exploit the unfortunate position of those wanting a divorce, I'm not going to dispute the experiences of others, but my own personal experience of collaborative law has been a positive one.

We should be here to offer help and advice to each other, not make ourselves even more bitter and miserable! Hope I'm not setting myself up for some negative comments, but I have been dismayed at the personal attacks that have appeared recently.

Smidge x