About a year ago we had some relate sessions at my wife's request after she told me that she wanted us to separate. Following that she decided to continue with me. In early Jan this year she told me that she had finally decided that we must separate. Nothing terrible has happened, neither of us has had an affair etc. I don't fully understand her reasons for wanting to separate except that she feels she has changed a lot and I am no longer what she wants. I have little choice but to accept this. She immediately moved out of our bed to a spare room and is not willing to have sex or any physical contact with me.
Our general situation is very simple. We own a house which is not mortgaged, we have some savings and investments in our separate names, a joint current account and savings account. We have no debts. We have no joint children. She has two from a previous marriage (aged 16 and 18) who currently live with her and for whom she gets reasonable maintenance from their father. I have two (aged 28 and 29) who are independent long ago. She is aged 47 and I am 60.
We are agreed about how we should divide our assets and are going to get a separation agreement to confirm this. We are running a joint household until her children have completed their GCSEs and A levels and the house has sold. Hopefully this will be in the summer.
We would both like to divorce as quickly as possible. Neither of us have had sex with anyone else although I have another woman in my life and it is only a matter of time before we sleep together. However, I think it would upset her if my adultery with her was used as grounds for divorce.
If we went for unreasonable behaviour does anyone know if withdrawal of sexual and all physical contact, would be sufficient to convince a court to grant a divorce or can anyone suggest another way forward without waiting for the 2 years. I want to avoid going to a solicitor if possible as our divorce is otherwise a very simple case.
My ex changed his mind (on our marriage) last Summer. He filed for Divorce a few months ago, with rediculous 'made-up' reasons, which included: \"she intimidated me into believing I was an alcoholic\" (wrong, he was one, and asked me to go to the Doctor with him in support of his drinking, the Doctor told him he should reduce his intake). However, my solicitor says that if he 'feels' intimidated, that doesn't mean I actually did intimidate him.
You have to write about four lame paragraphs as to why you can no longer be married. (You may get a solicitor to suggest wording after interviewing you).
However, regardless of how nicely you have sorted the financial situation, you MUST get this legally drawn up, and you should NOT divorce until the Financial Resolution is sorted.
I don't think you need look at her refusal to have sex as something wrong with you. If a woman has decided her marriage is over, then having sex with her husband is the last thing on her mind. However, also consider that at 47, she may well be going through hormonal changes, and a decresing sexual appetite during menopause is natural.
Sadly, we don't have our spouses agenda in life, and once they've deicded we're disposed of, that's it for us.
Last summer, my husband came in from work with three massive bunches of long-stemmed white lillies. When I asked why he said \"can't I buy my beautiful wife flowers if I want to\"! ... (sweetly said). One thing lead to another, we opened a bottle of wine, took it up to a shared bath, sha**ed in the bath, then again in the bedroom, came down and cooked dinner, ate dinner cosied up on the sofa, and fell asleep in each others arms. Sated.
Next morning he wanted a divorce from his hot-to-trot sexy wife! (Moi!)
Two days later, he left our marital bed and announced he was going to \"sleep elsewhere\", stating that since he wasn't with me any more - he could be with whoever he wanted.
So I understand sexual rejection, even when there's no 'reason' for your spouse to be rejecting you.
It hurts, but I think sometimes these people who cannot be happily in a relationship look to blame others, and look to create excuses for their sexual dalliances.
NO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP FOR X PERIOD OF TIME WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DIV ON UNREASONABLE BEHAVIOUR, ALSO NO LONGER LIVING AS A COUPLE,LEADING SEPERATE LIVES DESPITE LIVING UNDER SAME ROOF.THIS IS WHERE MY DIV WENT FROM AMICABLE TO THE WORST HELL ON EARTH.ALL AGREEMENTS ON PAYING THE DIV COSTS DISAPPEARED THE MOMENT MY X READ THE DIVORCE GROUNDS ON THE PETITION.SO TREAD CAREFULLY,PEOPLE CAN AND DO CHANGE THEIR MINDS WHEN THEY FEEL THEIR PRIDE HAS BEEN SEVERLY DENTED.IT HAPPENED TO ME,I BECAME PUBLIC ENEMY NO ONE OVERNIGHT AND EVERY DAY IS A BATTLE GROUND WITH MY X IN WHAT WAS ORIGINALLY A MUTUALLY AGREED AMICABLE DIVORCE.WE CAN ALL DREAM!
The important point here is to start with the clause \"The respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with the respondent.\" and then give three or four reasons. Lack of interest of an intimate nature leaving the petitioner feeling unhappy and demeaned is one possibility.