I am about to apply for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour as I do not want to wait the 2years. I would like to do it as amicably as possible but my STBX is extremely unreasonable and refuses to discuss any of this. I have tried to approach him to discuss the reasons and he is outraged that I would even put unreasonable behaviour as it was me that ended the relationship and so 'all my fault' in his eyes. I am concerned about him fighting me right from the start as he is petty and has the financial backing from family to do so. I on the other hand work part time on a low income and care full time for our 3yr old son, I receive universal credit and my ex pays no child maintenance so finances is a big issue and fear for me, I can't afford a big battle.
I intend to apply myself and only hire a solicitor when I really have to but am intimidated by the whole notion!
I have written the below reasons, can anyone offer any advice on my wording and whether this is enough. Thank you in advance.
1. The Respondent was financially unreliable and reckless, often unemployed and did not stay in jobs long which caused a strain on the relationship and the petitioner throughout the marriage. The petitioner often supported both parties and the household while the respondent was out of work. In the last 6months of living together the petitioner discovered the respondent had been taking sick days from work and lying about it which made the petitioner feel she could not trust or rely on the respondent.
2. The respondent was deceitful and untrustworthy. In the last 6months of marriage the respondent borrowed money from the petitioner’s family and neighbours without the petitioner’s knowledge. The petitioner was approached by an elderly neighbour in Jan 2020 and informed that the respondent owed her money, she said the respondent had repeatedly borrowed money from her while he still lived in the family home. Which left the petitioner feeling humiliated and finds completely unacceptable.
3. Lack of socialisation. The respondent used emotional manipulation to stop the petitioner socialising with friends and family, for example the respondent would make negative comments about how the petitioner looked making the petitioner feel anxious and self-conscious and on the rare occasions they did socialise together the respondent would insist that they leave early which led to the petitioner feeling isolated and depressed.
4. The respondent would be emotionally controlling. In the last 6months of marriage if the petitioner went anywhere, even shopping, the respondent would send text messages and repeatedly call to ask where the petitioner was and how long they would be, which caused the respondent to feel on edge and reduce going out independently as the respondents behaviour caused such anxiety.
5. The respondent was emotionally dependent on the petitioner needing constant reassurance. For example, in the last 6months of marriage the respondent was unhappy in work, the petitioner felt the respondent took no action to improve himself or his situation and found the constant negativity to be very wearing. The petitioner felt so drained by this behaviour that she could no longer go on living with the respondent.
6. The petitioner and respondent do not have any common interests and rarely spoke to each other in the latter part of the marriage, apart from discussing any issue's regarding the children or household making the petitioner feel they had grown apart irretrievably. The respondent refused to discuss or acknowledge issues within the marriage.
7. The petitioner and respondent did not share a bed since their son was born in Aug 2016. The respondent slept on the sofa for the last 2 years of the relationship. Leaving the petitioner feeling distant and like they were already living separate lives.
8. The relationship ended in October 2018 after frequent arguing as the petitioner felt it was intolerable to stay married and could not bear to live under the same roof any longer and the Respondent moved out of the family home in February 2019.
The respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with or remain married to the respondent.
All of these look ok I would put dated examples if possible but should be sufficient to state this was in the six months prior to separation (or continuing) You only need about five so I would pick the mildest ones. He can always state that he agrees the marriage has broken down but disagrees with the reasons given.
It is a shame that no fault divorce has been held up by first Brexit and now Covid 19. If he is really unhappy about you divorcing him, you can always suggests he is the petitioner, providing he agrees to pay the legal costs and court fee.
NB The divorce and financial settlement are separate. You will need a legally binding order to settle the finances. This can only be made once Decree Nisi is in place. If you need help with this, ask here or give the helpline a call.