My ex husband & i went to our first mediation session at 5pm tonight, shortly before he arrived he rang me to say he couldnt attend or would be late as he had a car crash & his car was written off! (Not his fault he claims so insurance paying out). I thought it was his way of copping out but went on my own anyway, very disillusioned. 20 mins later after going through forms with mediator my ex turned up & co-operated right away.
The mediator went through figures & came to a figure of just 3 grand to pay me off (I had expected 11 grand as starting point, not 3). His reason being was that we seperated 4 years ago & i took 17 grand when back then i was worth 20 grand. Now since that time our grant on the house has been paid up (12 grand council grant that had to be paid back if sold house within 5 years, time was up last Jan). So in my estimation there was 6 grand more for me plus 4 grand profit on house still to divide?
Well, the mediator insisted that 3 grand in full settlement was a fair starting point for us to mediate, & disagreed that i had stayed married 4 years, still looked after my ex hubby for 3 of those years until i proved his affair, and had been unable to move on in life until very recently.
Without warning my ex interrupted the mediator & told him that he had indeed been treated as a hubby by me for the first 3 years of our split, told him i had cooked him meals daily for the duration & even admitted sleeping at my house every Friday night until a year ago. He went on to say that i had been a very good wife, that the only reason we were divorced was because of his adultery & affair which he now regretted, and that he wanted to pay me in full anything i was entitled to on divorce from the MH. I could have dropped through the floor! I expected a fight with my ex to get anything & really expected him to deny that we had carried on our marriage after our split in 2005.
The mediator looked suprised & thanked my ex for being fair & honest, then decided that i was indeed entitled to the full half split today, which amounted to 11 grand.
Now, my ex isnt on a big wage, so to pay me that amount would mean a sale, & that would likely be at a greater loss as our valuations were based on 8 months ago.
So, i decided to discuss what i would accept in order for him to keep the MH & pay me off with a Clean Break. I suggested a figure of 6 grand, hoping ex could raise that amount as a remortgage, & he immediately agreed to accept it!
If all goes well at the bank this week i will be paid off very soon, both sides happy with arrangement.
The mediator wants to see us again in 2 weeks if ex can raise the money to finalise it ready for my sol.
I'm so pleased at how fast & amicable our first session went, the mediator even said he was delighted at how well we communicated with each other & at our speedy result.
We stood up to leave & ex asked if i wanted a lift home (he had a courtesy car from insurance) & i accepted, it was a long haul on the bus home for me.
All the way home my ex told me how awful he feels for the way he treated me in our marriage & with the affair afterwards. He asked that i might one day forgive him and said that he would love & respect me forever. He went on to say he wouldn't be here today if i hadnt saved his life last year when he had the grand mal fit & would never forget that.
I feel calm tonight, all my anger towards my ex has gone, i could tell his aplogy was genuine & he was filled with remorse. As i got out the car I thanked him for the lift & he told me to ring anytime i needed him, no matter what for?
I feel ive had a really successful day today, does everyone here think my settlement is fair & just for a Clean Break? We had no children together, he has a tiny pension not worth bothering with (my sols exact words) and doesnt earn enough to offer much maitenance for me.
Anyway, i'm keeping my fingers crossed he can raise the 6 grand with no problems.
Thanks for everyones help here over the past 18 months, i wouldn't be as strong today without you all.
Hi Elle, nice to hear from you again, hope you're doing ok? I've decided to set a small party plan business up when i finally get my divorce settlement, giving me pleny to do and hopefully earn some cash? I'm actually enjoying being on my own at the moment but never thought i would feel like this lol
that sounded like a pretty successful outcome cindy! i hope i can have similar luck if and when we come to selling our house. sometimes i think i will just let her have it all but in reality we all need some money behind us. good luck, chris.
Hi Chris75, i hope your outcome is successful too. You are right though, you need money to start over again, its not being unfair to ask for something out of a long marriage is it?
Good luck to you to & thanks for your post,
I wish you every success with you business venture. Regards not being unfair to ask for something out of a long marriage...could you tell that to my X Cindy...more than nine years on he still has 98% of the assets...or am I being greedy?...lol