I wonder if anyone can please give me some guidance on mediation.
I am going into a divorce that I didn't want but if you both don't want to work things out there seems to be no option.
My solicitor gave me the impression that financial arrangements generally work out in a pretty standard sort of way.
Mine was a long marraige, with a good military pension due in about 5 years, the only other real asset is a house with no equity at the moment. Iam expecting to loose at least half the pension and for a mesher order to be placed on the house for the next 8 years or so, untill my youngest child leaves school.
My ex and I had been seperated for approx six years when I bought the house, at which point she said she thought we could work things out and moved in. A few months later after some bad rows she has started divorce proceedings and I now live in a rented flat.
My question is; is mediation worth attempting or will the court just adjust any agreement we come to in order to make it comply with the normal sort of settlement.
Thanks for reading this and for any advice you might help.
mediation is always worth trying and much more cost effective than using solicitors but can only work if both can talk listen be honest and give and take, if you can agree the mediator will draft an agreement that can be used as the basis for a Consent Order when the time is right, even if it fails you can go to court knowing you did your best to agree matters.
There is a section in the wiki library for mediation and well worth reading so you know how it works and the advanteges of mediation over court based anillary relief,
Welcome to Wiki - you'll find a lot of help and assistance here.
Only speaking from my experience here. I was willing to give mediation a go and had an individual free appointment with the mediator who would have been assigned to X2B and my financial discussions.
My X2B had seen the mediator the day before for an individual appt, so the mediator had X2B's background information regarding what the X2B wanted out of mediation.
Following my individual appointment, the mediator told me that quite frankly he felt that the matter was not going to be helped by mediation and believed that after speaking with both of us that the only route would be for the court to decide.
As it turns out, this has been the only way because as Dukey says it can only work if both can talk listen and BE HONEST, with give and take.
It turns out my X2B was not truthful with the mediator regarding total disclosure of his assets and this is why the mediator felt that he was unable to help.
No harm in giving it a go and seeing how you get on, I wished it could have worked for me and my X2B but it was plain at the first appts it was not.
I am trying mediation with a stbx who seems to be unable to stop himself telling lies. I doubt we will get anywhere, particularly when he realises that from a financial disclosure point of view, he is goint to have to produce bank statements as he thinks what he does is none of my business.....
However, I can see the value of it and the difference between us is that I am armed with the reality and experience of hundreds of people from wiki and he is armed with what goes on in his head. Our first session was back in May - mediator was very good, listened to him and came down on my 'side' in a way I really hadn't expected. It took him nearly 5 weeks to agree to another meeting and that will take place next week! In the meantime, he hasn't done anything he said he would but has interfered in the things that I said I would do! Typical!
I am willing to go one more session to see if we get anywhere but after that I will call a halt to it as I really have better things to do than sit around with him, listening to his whims and fantasies. A big difference between us is that I am fortunate enough to be able to afford the legal bills as my family is being very helpful - he doesn't have this so he really is going to have to compromise sooner or later! Watch this space, I guess...
Thanks to you all for taking the time to read my post and reply.
I have booked an intro session and will give it a go I think. I just hope that things can remain calm and that we can sort something out.
Does anyone know if an agreement reached at mediation will always be approved by the court, I have been told that it may be turned down and the whole process will have to be repeated through the court.
There is no guarantee that the court will approve the mediation agreement, but they usually do unless one party is giving up a great deal. I was advised to run the agreement past my solicitor first, and mine was OK and I have just had the sealed Consent Order back from the court.
GUYS, mediation ONLY WORKS IF YOU ARE BOTH PREPARED TO COME TO AN AGREEMENT AND BE OPEN AND HONEST AND DESIRE AN OUTCOME. UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS USUALLY ONE SIDE THAT GOES IN WITH AN ALTERIA MOTIVE.
MY EX WIFE USED mediation FOR OTHER PURPOSES OTHER THAN AGREEING, SHE USED IT TO KEEP ME OUT THE HOUSE, AND GENERALLY HAVE A GO AS NORMALLY SHE WOULD NOT TALK TO ME.