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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

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A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


mediation...does it work

  • zanadu
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04 Jul 09 #128821 by zanadu
Topic started by zanadu
when 2 warring parties are not communicating, yet somewhere along the line mediation has been agreed too, do the mediator(s)
actually offer suggestions/advice and guideance on splitting the assets?
can anyone offer any positive stories/experience of a similar scenerio

  • BreakupAngelsKirsten
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06 Jul 09 #128989 by BreakupAngelsKirsten
Reply from BreakupAngelsKirsten
Hi

mediation certainly does work - I recall something like 70% of cases according to Lorraine Shaffer (Director of the Centre for Mediation and Conflict Resolution at the Institute of Family Therapy) reach resolution in family mediation.

We recorded an hour long interview in a tele-class a couple of weeks ago with Lorraine entitled "Reaching agreement at least cost through Family mediation" which we are currently having transcribed. It's full of very useful information about family mediation. We are happy to offer the link here to the 60 minute audio recording for Wiki visitors to enable you to hear for yourself why family mediation is considered to be the most effective and least cost way of reaching agremeent over the children and the finances. In return can we ask for feedback which should take justa couple of minutes :

instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=7715451

The link will be avaialable for at least the next 7 days - if you listen to it we would be grateful if you provide us with feedback by e-mailing This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

and answering these Q's:

- what did you learn?
- what would you like to learn more about?
- will you be considereing family mediation as a result of listening to this audio recording?

Many thanks, we :)appreciate your feedback as we strive to provide the breakup services people need, want and can afford.

  • moodybird
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06 Jul 09 #129020 by moodybird
Reply from moodybird
Not done mediation myself, but from what I understand a good one can help enormously. You need to find someone who has the right sort of approach for your particular circumstances - some seem to be more there to keep the peace/keep discussions relevant, others will be more forceful at making suggestions and pointing out what might be expected IF the dispute went to court (more useful if you have a particularly stubborn or unrealistic ex).

Be warned though, if one of the parties doesn't want to agree, mediators can't make them and it can be an expensive way to spend time getting nowhere!

  • BreakupAngelsKirsten
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06 Jul 09 #129024 by BreakupAngelsKirsten
Reply from BreakupAngelsKirsten
It's certainly correct to say that both parties have to want to agree ultimately and it's easy to walk out. A good mediator will weigh up the chances of this happening early on and won't continue if it's obviously not going to work. There is the chance to ask all questions and the mediator will ask questions of you and your partner at the initial intake session (where both parties attend individually and alone) so it does not necessarily have to be expensive.

Incidentally, there may be no fees due for those who aren't earning. And if you aren't communicating, the mediation service can write to your partner and suggest he attends, you don't have to do this. Again, more detail can be found in the audio recording (see my last last post here) from one of England's foremost mediators.

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06 Jul 09 #129025 by moodybird
Reply from moodybird
Good point that it needn't be expensive! And I'd also heard that mediators are generally good at pointing out when the mediation is no longer getting anywhere.

Incidentally, do you still have to pay for mediation if you're not earning but you have reasonably substantial amounts of capital?

  • BreakupAngelsKirsten
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07 Jul 09 #129305 by BreakupAngelsKirsten
Reply from BreakupAngelsKirsten
At the Family mediation Service

www.instituteoffamilytherapy.org.uk/centre-for-mediation/

people are legally aided or they pay on a sliding scale.

This might be relevant (copying and pasting here):

Might I be eligible for help with mediation costs?
The Family mediation Service holds a Legal Services Commission Franchise. If you are receiving certain benefits or your income falls below a specified level, you may be eligible for help with the cost of mediation. If you are eligible, the Legal Services Commission will meet your mediation costs in full and mediation will be free to you. Please ask if you wish to be assessed.

How much is mediation likely to cost?
The Family mediation Service is part of the Institute of Family Therapy which is a registered charity. If you are not eligible for help with mediation costs, it is necessary for us to charge a fee based on a sliding scale according to income. The appropriate fee will be agreed with you at your first appointment. All except the very highest fees are subsidised.

Hope this helps :)

  • Teejay
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07 Jul 09 #129492 by Teejay
Reply from Teejay
My experience of mediation has been positive.

The mediator didn't focus on the assets/how the split would work, but instead got both of us to say what was most important to us to achieve from the negotiation/for the future then kept referring us back to that, and how the negotiations might help us each achieve what we felt we needed to. She was also excellent at unpicking and challenging things, from both of us, in a non-confrontational way.

I am not very assertive and have never been able to stand up to my stbx, but I do feel we are heading towards a fair and reasonable settlement for both of us which we wouldn't have done without mediation.

hope that helps

Tj

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