Hi all, I would much prefer to go via mediation services to get the best result for my 2 boys 15 and 9.
Wife is very adversarial placing big financial demands via her solicitor in addition to CSA payments due soon. We have been apart 6 weeks now.
Wife’s solicitor states: 'Given that there are bail conditions and a non molestation order against you, our client is not going to be attending mediation with you for the foreseeable future'.
My question is: Do the current bail conditions exclude me from the mediation process?
I've heard that there is such a thing as ‘shuttle mediation’ where the two parties are in different rooms.
Also, is mediation not viewed as a ‘third party'? The mediation website states that mediation can be used even if the matter is still with the courts, before, during or after proceedings.
My objective is to get my wife to mediation as this would provide the best and quickest solution for the family moving forward.
Failing this, I would like to demonstrate to the courts that I had tried everything towards resolution and reconciliation and maybe that my wife’s solicitor has not advised her fully, which I feel her solicitor is not acting fully responsibly or in the best interests of her client.
Any advice on this or any direction as to whom I may contact to find the answer to this question would be much appreciated.
This will depend on the specific terms of your bail conditions and of the non-molestation order - you might need apply to get them varied in order to specifically allow mediation.
however, mediation is voluntary and your wife cannot be forced to attend.
mediation is often not suitable where there has been (or where one party percieves there to have been) agression or intimidation as this means that the parties cannot really discuss things on a 'level palying field', if one feels scared of the other.
As a first step, it may be sensible to contact your proposed mediation service to find out whether they would be prepred even to consider mediation in these circumstances, and if so, whether they offer shuttle mediation.
Be aware that your ex may percive your attempts to persaude her to go to mediation as you trying to force her to do something she is not comformtable with, or as you trying to control the way the case is dealt with.
I have to say that if I were her solicitor in this situation, while I would of coruse let her know that mediation had been proposed, I doubt I would be advising her that it was suitable as someone who has experienced domestic violence or abuse (and as her solicitor, I would of course have to accept her instructions as to what had heppened leading to you being arrested and to the non-mol) will often feel very intimidated by a former abuser, even without having to be in the same room, and so I would have to question whether the equalty of bargaining power which is essentital for sucessful mediation could be there.
Of course I do not have the full picture, but based on what you have said, it does appear that her solicitor may well be acting in herbest interests and advising her wholly appropriately - they are simly not advising her in your best interests.
It may help you to she where she is coming from if you consider the possibility that she may genuinely find you intimidating even if you feel that the allegations she has made against you are inaccurate or exaggerated - You may also find any court is more open to your proposals if your position is 'I don't accept that what she is sayign is true but I now understadn that she may have felt threatened, even though that was not my intention' rather than 'she is lying through her teeth abotu everything'.
I appreciate that this is very much esier said than done and may not be appropraite in your specific circumstances, but it may be worht considering.