Went for my first joing mediation yesterday and thought the whole process was very upsetting. A little one sided I think, everyone talked over each other and the subjects changed so quickly I felt like my points were not be considered.
We didnt agree anything just put ideas out there, But I was a little spooked by the ideas the mediator came up with. It was mentioned that both of us (me and soon to be x) would have to buy a three bedroom house in the future (seperately). My stbx only having the children of a weekend. It was mentioned that I should look into shared ownership propertys as thats all I can afford. Or to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room, thus freeing up another room for the kids!!! This concerns me being that im in my late 30's and although im a young spring chicken still I dont want the hassel of paying rent for x amount of years and then having to sell up again with more costs when my job is more secure. I dont have a pension and want to think about a more settled future for me and the children.
You need to get realistic, as hard as that may be. If you can't afford a property on your own, you can't afford it. You have to look at other options. Shared ownership is a better option, surely, than having to rent? Purchasing a smaller property and making do is better than having to rent? Consider moving towns - you may not get quite as good schools, but 5 miles can make a huge difference to property prices in some areas.
Have a look at the Ancillary Relief forum here and you will get an idea of likely outcomes and/or post your own details so someone can number crunch for you. It isn't always possible to stay in your own home, even if you have the care of the children. It's sad for the children but your ex can't be expected to have no home or life and pay for everything indefinately, just because the children are young. It took me a long time to get my head round this, believe me, but when you do you start to work out ways of managing and start planning for the future. A career change, training etc. may well earn you more money into the future so now's the time to think if there's anything else you'd like to do or work towards, for example... Good luck!
I have been very realistic about this and have gone through various options.
I think my job is just the pain in the butt at the mo, being so unstable so I have looked into further education to get a more reliable one.
I have been paying for all the bills, everything since we split up two years ago so he isnt paying for everything. I just dont like the idea of paying rent on a share ownership house for x amount of years that will never be mine. Wanted a mortgaged property that will be mine after the mortgage paid off. I may think about extending this one. We have outgrown it and what with two boys and a young girl sharing in the same room wont do in the near future.
My point was that I didnt want to move then move again, if you see what I mean.
It's a nightmare, that much I do know! current lending conditions are not good and with one wage, you feel that much more insecure yourself regardless of what a bank may lend you.
I am pretty sure you can purchase the other half of a shared ownership property if you want, when you can afford it. I guess there will be terms and conditions but it's worth a look at it as it might work out for you.
Try not to worry about the future - I did this constantly but actually, I have no idea what life has in store so can only really deal with the here and now and work forwards from that. sure as hell didn't think I'd be on my own with 3 kids the year I turned 40 but here I am! who knows what could happen in the next 10 years?!!!