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Mediation Monday

  • mightyredmen
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13 Jan 11 #244978 by mightyredmen
Topic started by mightyredmen
First post on this site. I am a seperated Dad of two girls and I have my first mediation session on Monday with my wife. It has taken me over 3 months to get her to agree to attend so am eager for it to go well.

Some quick details:

Married for 11 years together for 15.
Two girls aged 10 and 7
marital home worth estimated £255,000. Mortgage remaining £104,000
Two cars - One I purchased outright for wife estimate value £1500
Car I'm using value at est £3500 but have to pay final value of £3750 in June.
Jewellery wife ring valued at £2800
Pension CTV £137609. Paid for 28 years.
My salary: £1920 per month
Wife: est £1000 per month including benefits


I moved out in June ( split was wife's decision ) and have payed mortgage on the house since. I am currently in rental accomodation and really struggling financially. My wife only position is that she wants to stay in the marital home I continue to fund it. I have no problem with her staying in home with children but simply cannot afford to pay mortgage and be able to live myself.

What can I expect Monday? Any advice would be much appreciated.

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13 Jan 11 #244990 by dukey
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The first meeting is more of a meet and greet and to begin to collect all the necessary information, the details you have provided and a few more.

After that its a case of trying to explore solutions that will work for you both, be open be honest and listen, mediators do this more a living so they are well aware of the way to go and also what court would find acceptable.

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13 Jan 11 #245025 by mightyredmen
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Thanks Dukey for your answer.

Sorry I forgot to mention the contact arrangements with my girls. I am a shift worker so I usually have them when I get a full weekend off. This is not the usual every other weekend scenario as sometimes I get two weekends off in a row. I would like to have them during the week as well but so far wife has vetoed this.

Any ideas as to what I should be aiming for through mediation re house,pension and contact? What should my expectations be?

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18 Jan 11 #246144 by mightyredmen
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Had my first mediation session yesterday.

We discussed contact arrangments for kids and I thought I had come away with an agreement over contact.... Every other weekend from picking up kids from school on Friday until Sunday at 5. As I am a shift worker and don't get off every other weekend we agreed that I would give 10 days notice as to the weekend I could take kids. It was also agreed that I would have kids one day in the week after school on those week that I dont see them that weekend. Fair enough I thought.

Well less than 24 hours after the session I text stbx and stated that I would like girls next weekend as per agreement. She replied that I could have them from 5 Saturday evening until 5 Sunday!
I replied that I wanted her to abide by agreement but she just replied that she will cancel mediation if I continue to bully her and it doesnt bother her as she is 'sitty pretty' ( currently in family home with mrotgage paid ).Next text minutes later was 'you abide by my rules otherwise mediation ends and i am willing to go to court '

Really fed up with this now.:angry:

  • Lostboy67
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18 Jan 11 #246147 by Lostboy67
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Sad to say it doesn't seem like she is mediation material....try sticking with it but she may well get her wish to go to court.
Did you ask why you were not able to have the children from Friday as per agreement, it may be they had something arranged.

LB

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18 Jan 11 #246164 by mightyredmen
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No nothing arranged as far as I know.

She just complained that I would have had them 3 weekends in a row. This coming weekend was hers but she asked me in front of my girls what night I wanted them so assumed she wanted to go out.
I have now replied that I will abide with her wishes on this ocassion but from now on she must comply with the agreement.

We havent even got to the financial dicussions yet :ohmy:

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