I Left my husband last summer due to many years of non existing in his eyes and was both advised to go to mediation in regards of finances. (Our children are old enough to make their own decisions).
We both had to pay a separate extautionate amount for each session as we dont qualify for legal aid or funding... and we only had two ... in 5 months.
When the draft 'memorandum of understanding' came through, they had it all wrong. They also sent an evalution form and a bill for the last session. Slightly premature I felt.
My solictor pointed out that they had miscalcutaled my x pension, my x had not made a full disclosure of his finances and they had said that I earnt way more than my husband!! Which was not true.
My x refuses to discuss anything with me and continues to be difficult so trying to communicate with him is impossible.
I hand wrote, over the Easter weekend, my concerns at their mistakes and unprofessionalism....drafting something that was not complete and hand delivered it to another town, where their main office is so they picked it up after the bank hols.
To cut a long story short... after calling the company, chasing for a response, being told that the mediator does not make phone calls and airing that I was going to put in an official complaint....it took the mediator 3 weeks to get back to me and admit that they had a made a major cock up and instead of having another session, he would arrange a BT 3 way conference call with the mediator and my x.
The evening came when I logged on the conference call and waited and waited and waited....just over half an hour. I did not know if my x was logged on. I finally called the mediation office...where the mediator actually answered the phone. He told me was very sorry but he did not have the date or time in his diary of this conference call!!! So another conference call has been arranged for next week.
I'm so very very frustrated that I have paid alot of money for a service, which I'm being told will be fairer and possibly cheaper. Time is of an esscence and my solicitor has told me that I could have been divorced and finances settled if mediation had not taken so much time in making appointments and drafting things...the latest issues adds even more time.
The stress is immense as I just want to be divorced and settled... but their cock ups and delays are not helping the situation and all the while I feel my x is laughing at me and the longer it goes on the more our children are distancing themselves from him due to some of his unreasonable behaviour at times.
The wait may not be costing my husband anything...but until this is all sorted out, he knows I'm still paying over the odds on rent, waitng for my share of fiances to come so I get move on and buy another property, while is continues to reside in our old house paying minimal mortgage.
I have not found mediation supportive or productive.I will be putting in an official complaint when its over.
Has had other bad experiences and have you complained.
Hi Bella and welcome to Wikivorce. I am sorry to hear of your situation but you have come to the right place as you will find lots of helpful support and advice here.
There is a place for mediation and I am sure it can be supportive and productive, but for it to work effectively both parties must be reasonable, honest and open.
I did not find that it helped me either, however I would still recommend it to those who are willing to compromise in order to reach agreement as it can save money on solicitors fees. It does take time though.
Hopefully your next conference call will go better and matters can be agreed. Don't agree anything you are not sure about, if necessary you can and should consult with your solicitor.
Take care of yourself and I hope you can get things sorted and move on with your life very soon.
I think you may be right.A solicitor maybe costly but at least they are officient and blunt and firm. Mediators dally too much and take far too much time to sort things out and in the long run....it feels like my families destiny is in their incompitant hands. I wish this was'nt the case and possibly other mediation services out of my area maybe more sufficient, but I can only go by experience.
Hi, as I understand it the new legislation means divorcing couples have to go through mediation before a solicitor can apply for a financial order? I have started mediation, but cannot see how it will help since my ex and I can't agree on anything.