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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Will mediator keep things on track

  • MrsMathsisfun
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14 Sep 11 #287834 by MrsMathsisfun
Topic started by MrsMathsisfun
My partner has his first joint mediation meeting next week. He has been trying to get the financial stuff sorted for two years!

He is really worried that his STBX will hijack the meeting trying to sort out, who has the children for which weeks during the holidays for next year.

He really doesnt want to be spending £150+ discussing whether he can have a week in August!

Will the mediator stick to the point of mediation which is supposed about agreeing the finances or get dragged into ''contact'' arrangements?

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14 Sep 11 #287865 by rasher
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in my experience they do - they have an agenda that covers all aspects of divorce and only exclude areas by joint agreement. Best yr ptnr verbalises his concerns during his iindividual chat with the mediator at the outset.

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14 Sep 11 #287880 by MrsMathsisfun
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My partner already has had an individual meeting with the mediator. Will he have another opportunity to discuss things with the mediator on his own?

The STBX has already tried to claim that my partner wasnt willing to participate in the sessions and has threatened not to attend.

My partner spoke to the mediator to find out why his ex should think he was only going to listen and not participate and it turns out the ex was twisting what the mediator said.

If the mediation follows the same pattern as the rest of the negotiations I cant see it working. My partner's STBX idea of negotiations seems to be keep asking for the same thing in slightly different forms and eventually my partner might say yes!!

The stbx really doesnt understand the word NO!!

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14 Sep 11 #287882 by rasher
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be worth him calling to check the format - they all work slightly differently but the idea is when both parties sit round the table the mediator is able to detail what their understanding is of what each wants on the agenda.

If I could give any one a tip - the trick is almost to pretend the other party isnt there and only respond to the questions the mediator asks - dont get drawn into responding to what the other person says either verbally or non verbally. Allow the mediator to chair the meeting; steer the discussion; paraphrase what they think they heard and get agreement for the speaker that this is what they mean.

If you work within the roles - I think it can work very well even if you hit difficulties. Unfortunately if one party simply wont agree - they tend to pull out anyway if they cant get what they want or they lose their temper due to the managed environment.

Always worth a try - and usually cheaper and quicker than court (where you have roughly the same discussion but via a larger number of people and over a greater spread of time)

hope it works for him

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14 Sep 11 #287889 by MrsMathsisfun
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Me too!!

I just want it over so we can move on with our lives.

The mediator was very surprised to be involved after such a long time.

My partner and his STBX sold the martial home over 2 years ago each receiving 50/50 of the house,(my partner had invested 12% from his previous home into the house but has never asked for a different portion) and both have bought new house.

Both earn similar money in fact with CB, TC and CM she has more money coming in, even though she only works part time. He is 46 and she is 35.

The only thing to agree on was the pension but suddenly in December she decided she should have received a larger share of the equality from the house since then the divorce has been stalled with her side refusing to compromise or discuss what she actually wants other than saying more!!!

My partner thinks the stbx is trying mediation because she thinks she can 'persuade' him to see her side.

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