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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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First mediation meeting concerns.

  • Brit
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19 Sep 11 #288612 by Brit
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My ex and I are attending our first mediation meeting this Friday. I have received a large envelope from the mediators which has pages of questions, mostly financial, from bank account details right down to how much I pay for my daily newspaper.There is also a line which states that this uinformation can be passed on in the future, which I am guessing is to the courts ?

The letter states that we are to be assessed initially seperately and then if all goes well, the first joint meeting can proceed on the day.

I am very concerned about filling all of these questions in without ever meeting a mediator, also my ex and I are curently trying to arrange the transfer of the marital home over to me (I am buying her share out).

We have been seperated for 15 months and have both found new partners who we would like to move in with.

Would it be worth us involving all our financial details with a mediator, risking the current 'friendly' atmosphere that we have and also the sale of the house, or should we carry on trying to sort the financial issues ourselves ?

I'm guessing that I should really wait and see what happens at the assessment first !

  • soobee
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19 Sep 11 #288617 by soobee
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hi at my first joint mediation with ex we just started looking at finances etc .the mediator told us not to fill any thing in till the next meeting and then we would do some of it together....i all need to do b4 2nd appt is to work out how much my monthly bills will be for mort etc to give a rough idea for future settlement....i also was going for the amicable approach but it doesnt always work out that way so be warned ...my stbx cancelled 2nd appt coz he cudnt be bothered to sort his stuff out....so good luck:(

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19 Sep 11 #288618 by Brit
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Yes we have been treating ourselves as enemies for the past few months, all the way up until last week ! Ok so I won't rush to answer all those intrusive financial questions for this Friday then.
We are very close to agreeing on a price for the house transfer and I have two meetings with banks this week regarding a new mortgage, so it's come at the wrong time really. My financial situation will change along with my outgoings once a new mortgage is offered, that will leave any forms that I complete incorrect.
Oh I can see this is going to be interesting !

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20 Sep 11 #288728 by soobee
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good luck just posted on here to ..see arghhh ..take your time and dont rush anything....hope all goes well for you on fri....

  • Brit
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24 Sep 11 #289208 by Brit
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Well the first meeting went ok, we each had a very brief assessment followed by the joint meeting. The mediator was actually 45 minutes late for our appointment and I felt things were then rushed.
My ex & I have managed to organise a lot of our finances already , so the mediator found things ran very smoothly. We just faltered over the child maintenance issue. My ex has decided she wants to claim for my 18 year old daughter as well as my 16 year old son. She has just started an NVQ2 level course at college and is 19 in February, she has a really good part time catering job too. This I could not agree with and it therefore stopped the meeting, before that we was on course to complete and wrap up .
I agreed to a 50 50 split on my pension, which gives her nearly £40k but she insists on my daughter's maintenance payments. All assets have already been split equally and the house is to be transferred into my name after I bought her share out.
I really can't get ny head around the full financial disclosure part, my ex is to get copies of my bank statements for the last 6 months, plus 3 months wage slips . Although I have nothing to hide, It just feels so intrusive .
Cost wise, our next app will be £205 each and then we have to pay £246 for the legal stuff, even though the meeting will last less than an hour, they tell me there work is all voluntary too ! Still I am aware that I am saving on sols fees.

Brit.

  • mumtoboys
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24 Sep 11 #289211 by mumtoboys
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does your daughter not need a roof over her head whilst training? is your wife not having to feed her, provide her with the basics of life and support her with larger purchases, driving lesson etc? are you willing to provide your daughter with direct financial support? do you consider that she is now 'on her own' and should get her own accommodation and be responsible for herself?

I think the issue of older teenagers who are still in education is quite difficult. Most parents wouldn't expect them to leave home (assuming they don't want to) but there is an expectation that maintenance should no longer be paid because they are effectively adults. If this issue is going to make things difficult, you would be wise to look at what paying some maintenance for the next couple of years will cost you (not only financially but in terms of your relationships with your children) compared with fighting it out via solicitors. And that's without mentioning the emotional cost to yourself. Is it worth it?

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24 Sep 11 #289215 by sillywoman
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excellent post mumtoboys. I have one daughter at uni and another about to go and my ex refuses to help at all with them. Of course they will come home at weekends and holidays and expect a bed which of course I am more than happy to provide.

the girls were in the process of taking him to court under the childrens act, but i have suggested this does not happen. If their father does not want to help them, so be it.

he doesn't see the girls (his choice) and he has now broken a civil undertaking which I will have to inform the courts over.

I pity him in his old peoples home (where we all will probably end up)with no visits from his kids.

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