A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


First mediation meeting concerns.

  • Brit
  • Brit's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
25 Sep 11 #289294 by Brit
Reply from Brit
Daughter & son ;)

I think she's the bitter one in this, she won't let it go ... why on earth should I ?

  • sillywoman
  • sillywoman's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
25 Sep 11 #289295 by sillywoman
Reply from sillywoman
Sorry,daughter and son. I always wanted a son - sigh, another story!

Maybe you are not bitter but you sound it talking about how much her new partner earns and the holidays she is having.

At the end of the day you are both parents to the children, with equal financial responsibility towards them, so don't worry about how much her new partner is making, just concentrate on the kids

  • rasher
  • rasher's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
25 Sep 11 #289306 by rasher
Reply from rasher
Getting back to the original tenet of your question, are you concerned that if you do offer up 'full and frank disclosure' on the finances that the mediation process may encourage your ex to look for a bigger share of the pot that the 50:50 you think you have agreed upon?

If so I would have to suggest, the mediator will not be able to proceed without all the financial information and if you end up in court doing it through sols - you will still have to give the info.

You seem to suggest theres been some periods of being amicable between you and ex interspersed with the flash points that we all know and love. If you can, try not to make any of the contested issues become your Bête noir if you have broadly got agreement on the main stuff. It isnt easy when theres a new partner in the background winding things up and you are indeed correct, the children might end up living with you and will you be receiving any financial support from their mother if this happens?

Perhaps it would be worth you posting the finance issues and checking with the more skilled financial posters on the forum, what is the worse case scenario - perhaps then you can work out if theres any way round that. Unless you are self employed its pretty difficult to conceal financial details however there are ways people do frustrate the process - it would be against my greater principles to expand on those. I think your best bet sits with maintaining a functional, reasonable and relfective realtionship with the ex to see if you can agree things. My ex husband and I did the whole disclosure thing at mediation we each were 'entitled' to things being split a certain way but we in fact altered that to suit our own thinking - and we were by no means in a good place, just a real one.

Best wishes to you.

  • Brit
  • Brit's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
25 Sep 11 #289322 by Brit
Reply from Brit
Daughter & son ;)

I think she's the bitter one in this, she won't let it go ... why on earth should I ?

  • Brit
  • Brit's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
26 Sep 11 #289574 by Brit
Reply from Brit
Thanks for your kind comments sillywoman and rasher .I have over the past 15months arranged my finances so that I am no longer in debt with the bank, it's probably the first time in my married life that they have been that way ! I was concerned however that this would be seen by my ex, as me holding money back from her, even though I was still paying the full mortgage and bills, since we split. I have had a fair bit of overtime which has meant working 7 days a week, but it has really helped. She will see this and naturally want more, then when it all stops, I'm sure will still want more ! Just yesterday my comapny announced 3000 more redudancies, according to a Sunday newspaper, whether this will affect us is unsure.

I had calmed down over the weekend and was trying to construct my finances around my soon to be transfered and increased mortgage. This would then enable a decent offer for maintenance to my ex, which not only covers my son but also my daughter, however I have just received an email from my ex, telling me that she won't be going to mediation again as it was too upsetting for her on Friday, also stating that she is going to claim maintenence through the CSA. So it's one step forward too many steps backwards !
So now we have to go through the whole thing again but this time through the sols.I think she just needs time out, maybe too much is going on, with her moving in with a new partner and leaving the marital home ? I know it's easy for me to become niggly over the maintenance issue and I do need to take stock of the bigger picture and all our futures.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11