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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


First mediation meeting concerns.

  • Brit
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24 Sep 11 #289232 by Brit
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So is this an attack on dad's in general or just me ? You don't know my financial circumstances not what I have been paying but you attack me in this way ?
My ex is moving in with her new partner who earns more than twice the wage I do. I have been paying the mortgage , plus bills on the marital home for 15 months now, she is receiving nearly £ 40k from the sale of the house , also the same amount from my pension , plus my new partner has a 15 yr old son who will be living with us . So 20% of my earnings will go to my ex to enjoy on her 2 week holiday to Goa in March and then Kos in July, meanwhile I try to balance the books and still treat my kids that I adore when I can !
Please don't tar us all with the same brush !

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24 Sep 11 #289238 by sillywoman
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Hi Brit

No, I certainly did not mean to attack you and apologies if it seems that way.

As for the 20% you pay towards your childrens upkeep, that is precisely what it is for, but of course that will be decreased with the fact that your partners son will live with you and how many nights you have your own children stay over. So do check the CSA website.

The thing is CSA calculations are alll formaleic and don't take into consideration other factors.

For example I am unfortunately unemployed at the moment, whereas my ex husband works full time and has a pension in payment and lives with his girlfriend who owns her own property, therefore,, his disposable income after paying csa is considerable whereas without the payments he makes I would be ,well the girls would be living from hand to mouth.

My ex could easily afford to help more financially towards the childrens expenses, but he chooses not to, thats the difference.

Apologies again..

  • hadenoughnow
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24 Sep 11 #289239 by hadenoughnow
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Brit

This is a tricky area as Mumtoboys says. I have daughters in further and higher education and even though they have part time jobs they do cost a fortune. For example I have just had to pay £700 for the college bus :(.

Your daughter is your responsibility and not your ex wife's new partner's and I am sure you want to fulfil your obligations to her. I know how galling it is to hand over large amounts of "your" money on divorce - but the argument is that it is joint money - the assets of the marriage - and that it should be used to meet needs first.

The fact that your ex has found a well off partner and is swanning off on foreign holidays is also galling. But it does not alter the fact that your daughter's home, food and general living expenses still need to be met .. and as she is in f/t education she is covered by CSA.

You may find your CSA liability is reduced if you have another child living with you. It is worth checking with the CSA. If your children spend nights with you, a reduction may also apply.

Hadenoughnow

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24 Sep 11 #289245 by Brit
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I'm sorry for over reacting slightly but yesterday's meeting is still very fresh in my mind. I know the CSA is there for a reason and I have had good feedback from them, they advised me that I didn't need to add my daughter to my payments ! I have always supported her and she knows she can live with me if she wishes . Her job pays for her car insurance, read tax, 3 nights out a week , she does ok for someone at college for 2.5 days a week :).
I will openly contribute as the guidelines ask, but I do need to be able to live too .
We just need to agree to an amount that we think is fair for all
I'm sorry that further education is sooo expensive for everyone, we all suffer from it and there's no jobs for them at the end of it anyway !

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24 Sep 11 #289247 by mumtoboys
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Brit - I think you proved my point! Is it worth the stress? I know divorce is very unfair - most of us here could tell you a tale or two, believe me - but if something like this is getting in the way of getting closure on the whole thing, is it worth the fight? You have moved on, she's moved on. You just need to divorce with the minimum of fuss. It might grate that she's off on holiday when you're struggling (I know how that one feels) but is it worth it?! I'd have given anything to come to an agreement through mediation - ex refused to attend. It was a long hard slog the other way and no one 'won'.

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24 Sep 11 #289265 by Brit
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Yes I can see your point mumtoboys but I need time to take stock, I'm afraid I've spent 18 years providing for my family and bringing up two lovely children, I've never had those certain luxuries in that time and committing to a fresh 20 year mortgage means I'll still be the same, my ex will be in a different situation, new car, holidays, bigger house and my kids . Once I can cope with that and the fact that I've looked after her with the mortgage bills etc over these last 15 months, I will understand the need for her to seemingly drag every last penny she can out of me .
Perhaps I should have put up more of a right for custody and then the shoe would have been on the other foot ?
I'll probably try and go for a part maintenance option, where she has a percentage payment and the children are given one too, direct from me, to help with transport costs etc .

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24 Sep 11 #289270 by sillywoman
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Brit, you sound a decent man, but please don't become like my ex husband - bitter.

My ex cheated on me a few times and I took him and then finally I didn't!

He is really bitter now, incredibly so, the CSA have to get payments out of him for our children, he is not helping with any extras and has no contact with our children (if I can't have you I will have difficulty seeing the children!) blackmail or what!

Maybe you are feeling cross with yourself,i.e. thinking if you hadn't cheated on your wife, she wouldn't be in the obviously better financial situation she is in now, which seems to annoy you.

But let it go, it happened, its in the past, you still have your lovely girls,money is only money,just look future

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