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Online Mediation?

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05 Oct 11 #290890 by triggster
Topic started by triggster
Hi all,

Has anyone tried online mediation? I like the sound of it as it is much cheaper and ofcourse I dont have to be in the same room as my STBX!

Wondered if anyone had any thoughts on it.

Triggster

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11 Oct 11 #291965 by Imediate
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mediation works well because there is discussion and negotiation. If, by 'on-line' you mean by e-mail, it would take a long time and wouldn't work as well. However, I have carried out mediations over Skype and, to date, this has has been successful.

As far as being in the same room is concerned, if it really is impossible for the two of you to bee in the same room, there can be separate meetings. But, often people find that the mediator takes a lot of heat out of the situation and that they have a common interest in achieving a solution - and that they can attend the same meeting.

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27 Nov 11 #299790 by SilverFir
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Can anybody name any "online mediation services", as I've googled and cannot find any.

Me and STBX now live over three hours apart. Neither of us are willing to invest the cost & travel time involved to meet in the other's location. And I doubt we could be in the same room without tearing each other's eyes out.

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29 Nov 11 #300028 by Imediate
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I don't know other mediators who hold meetings over Skype, but it is something that I do. If you wish to do so, you can find out more about me on this web-site (I don't want to be too overt in promoting my business).

I should add that we work according to English law and I note that you are in Scotland. It may not be a problem (as all we are trying to do is work out a sensible agreement as to how fincnes should be divided) - but it may (as there may be specific rules that affect such an agreement). I don't pretend to know how your laws and requirements differ from those of England. This is something that you are better placed to establish than me.

For what it is worth, I have found that Skype meetings work well but, for any mediation to be successful, you both need to be prepared to work co-operatively to find a solution to a problem that is common to both of you.

Later - I have just read my previous post and I see that I have already mentioned Skype. I apologise for being repetitive but I thought I would leave this post here as the point about laws is worth remembering and may affect you decision in choosing whose services you wish to use.

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29 Nov 11 #300090 by SilverFir
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Thanks for the reply. That's the crux though, the idea of us both working "co-operatively", which won't happen because we are both convinced we are right and both not prepared to give ground to the other :laugh:

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29 Nov 11 #300104 by Imediate
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Of course both of you think you are right, but this is a problem which affects both of you and which has to be resolved one way or the other.

You may find that, when you have somebody neutral helping with the negotiations, much of the heat is taken out of the situation. For mediation to be successful you need to move from entrenched positions to what is best for both of you. This is likely to mean that you will both have to compromise.

But if you stick with mediation you will save a lot of costs. I have known cases where we had almost got agreement, but neither side would make the final move and they resorted to lawyers whose fees were greater than the difference in their positions when the mediation was abandoned. There's a lesson there!

So, give it a go, listen to the other side, and be prepared to compromise - and get a good mediator who can take control, should the need arise.

I wish you well (both of you).

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