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My first mediation session and my plan, comments ?

  • manta
  • manta's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
11 Dec 11 #301588 by manta
Topic started by manta
My wife is going to do a willingness test next week then we both will be having single sessions with the mediator.

I was offered 1 night a week with my 2 boys (14 and 11) and no offer of asset split as of yet but verbaly my wife has indicated she would be unhappy if i got 40% and she suggested we kept pensions out of it !
If you have seen my other posts you will know she sarns £37k me £25K no debts or mortgage £250k house, £70k savings, £50k invested. My pension is worth £75k hers is a teachers pension at £150-£200k???
Married 18½ years

Any way at my first meeting i will set out what i want, and this is as follows
50% of the assets
50% of her pension pot as a pension
with me giving her 50% of mine
3.5 nights a week with the children
as a 3/4 alternating
I would like that we each have a child as the legal parent so that we both cab claim child benefit and both get tax credits where possible
I will be asking for spousal maintenace
at the rate prescribed by the courts.
in the meantime i would like her to leave out joint bank account and set up her own
we will jointly pay all the household bills and i believe £100 a week is a reasonable ammount for food. when i say jointly pay, the ammounts will be split pro rata on our earning so i will pay 25/62nds of the bills. I am doing this as i currently have about £1500 a month go into the joint account, bills are £500 and food £400, so my share at most would be £500 leaving £1k. I dont spend any money as i work all the time yet at the end of each month it is all gone!

Do any mediators have any comments on my proposals or advice on how i should modify it?
I do not want to offer a 50/50 split of running costs as i could never move back to the lesser 25/62nds split later on

Thanks Manta

  • Action
  • Action's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
11 Dec 11 #301640 by Action
Reply from Action
My experience so far at mediation is not that you go in stating what you want but that the mediator goes through all the financial stuff and makes a chart to make sure that everything has been thought of and is transparent - the theory I guess being that it should then look fairly black and white what the split should be. Unfortunately this is proving a slow process for us as my STBX is not capable of giving true and accurate information and thinks he can get a better deal by continuing to lie and cheat about his earnings and assets.

  • manta
  • manta's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
11 Dec 11 #301641 by manta
Reply from manta
everything seems to take an age
I wonder why??
im such a cynic these days!

  • Lostboy67
  • Lostboy67's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
11 Dec 11 #301643 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
The thing with any negotiation is not to show your full hand too early it gives you no where to negotiate to.
Rather than thinking in terms of % try to get some idea of what you each need, assuming you are both relativly young you both have the ability to raise a mortgage, it would appear that between you there is around 370k of 'cash' assests. Your wife could take on a 65k mortgage and give you all of the other cash/assets and that would be a 50/50 split. You would then have 185k + what ever mortgage you took to re-house yourself. There is an argument that you need slightly more than 50% as you can't raise such a large mortgage and more of your income will be spent on housing, but there are 3 reasons why you won't get away with that (all in your trousers). On the face of it though you are fortunate that there is plenty of cash in the pot, so 50:50 seems reasonable.
To what extent are you currently overhoused, you respective housing needs are for 3 bedroom properties, would 370k buy you each one of those in you area.
Stick to your guns on everything related to child care.


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