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mediation request

  • perin123
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26 Apr 12 #326680 by perin123
Topic started by perin123
Received letter today from mediation place. Ex''s solicitor has requested it. I have been asking for mediation for over a year now but told no, now ex wants it!! But, we live 2 hours apart and ex has of course asked for a place 10 mins from where he lives. I have said I can''t travel that far, and suggest halfway? (this is what I suggested last year)

Am I within my rights to ask for this? Seems fair to me that we both travel?

Not that I am looking forward to it, I do not want to see or speak to my ex at all, and no doubt OW will be there....:(

  • BoysMum
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26 Apr 12 #326686 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum

I think it is fair for it to be half way.

What does he want to discuss? Contact arrangements?

I don''t think it''s right that OW is at mediation though. Whatever needs discussing, surely is between you and your ex?


  • Fiona
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26 Apr 12 #326689 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
Nothing unreasonable about your request. It maybe your ex has been advised that in most cases spouses/parents are expected to attend a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting before the courts will hear a court application.

OW won''t be in the meeting, although of course there is nothing to stop her from waiting outside.

  • perin123
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27 Apr 12 #326870 by perin123
Reply from perin123
Maybe a daft question, but what exactly are the mediator''s qualifications? I know they are there to help come to some sort of agreement between people, but what do they know about the law? If they are advising people on what they should have or get surely they must know what the outcome would be if the case were to go to court? I know some mediators are solicitors but what if they are not?:S

  • fairylandtime
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27 Apr 12 #326874 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Our mediator was there to just ensure that we could keep to task & not jump over & kill each other :laugh:

Mediation was mainly for the children as I was trying to get x to see them more, no really worked but I tried.

When it cam to the financials we were both given a pack to complete & bring 3 copies with us the next time. this was used with a clip board to thrash out who got what by agreement. The mediators then wrote it all up in an agreement (which isn''t legally binding) but we were advised to take this to our respective sols & seek advice - both seemed alright with it and it was used as a draft for our Consent Order which was then sealed in court.

It is really hard facing your x (was for me) as things got confrontational with him & then I would basically hide etc etc so mediation wasn''t something I wanted to do at first. But we had an initial meeting with the mediators first & I told them all this went through what I wanted from the meeting & this really helped. The mediators were really good & it took us about 3/4 sessions with the initial session counted in.

You should be able to get one that is half way between you & the OW should not (in my opinion) be there, it is sorting out the details for the future, not going over the past & should not cause offence at the start by brining OW with him.

Good luck with it JJx

  • stepper
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27 Apr 12 #326886 by stepper
Reply from stepper
My son and his ex. were requested by the Court to attend mediation.

He attended one session, his ex. attended one session and there was then supposed to be a joint session.

His ex. refused to be in the same room as my son, but she turned up with her current partner.

Waste of time.

  • ascatfish
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08 May 12 #329172 by ascatfish
Reply from ascatfish
I''m not sure how this works as have not got this far yet, but I also asked my solicitor if the OW would be allowed to be there. She said it would be "wholly inappropriate" though this of course would mean nothing to the ex who has basically tken the route of being as "inappropriate" as possible. I think in the first meeting alone with the mediator I would say that I could not attend mediation if he brings the OW with him even in the waiting room, and ask that this be relayed back to him, so if he does bring her everyone can see it is an antagonisitic move and I would ask it to be rescheduled without her there. Though of course I dont know if this is possible.

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