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Any advice or tips

  • JanMK16
  • JanMK16's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
28 Apr 12 #327027 by JanMK16
Topic started by JanMK16
We''ve got our first mediation session on Monday where after the initial discussion with each of us there will be a joint meeting.

I am really not looking forward to this and seeing my stbx again. Since separating I have uncovered so many lies and finally found out the truth about him and his adulterous behaviour (not from him though as he would never ever admit it). We were married for 13 years and together for about 18.

I think I can be strong and not get emotional, i.e. annoyed and angry, but any tips others might have used in the situation would be appreciated. I realise I have to get through this but it is difficult to try and pre-empt how the other will be as I feel I don''t know this person anymore!

  • Action
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  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
28 Apr 12 #327034 by Action
Reply from Action
I remember feeling exactly the same as you before Mediation. I got a tummy upset every time and each time was shocked at the depths he would sink to in order to distort the truth.

At the first session on my own I was able to explain what I was fearful of - intellectual bullying and all the lies.

At the joint sessions I tried to keep calm and polite; didn''t over react even when I felt like screaming.

Try to treat it as an information gathering exercise. Our Mediator had seen it all before so soon realised what my STBX was up to. I produced three sets of copies of everything that would be needed for completing form E (one for him, one for Mediator and one for me). I made lots of lists of prompts etc. before each session but rarely needed them as it was mainly conducted in a business-like manner in getting all the financial information down on paper. Some of the things my STBX came out with were very cruel and I can now see them for what they were - desperate insults to knock me off balance. If you feel overwhelmed then simply ask for a break to gather your thoughts. If you are asked questions that you do not feel able to answer then just say that you need to ''give that some thought''.

It''s not a pleasant experience but I just had to keep it in mind what it was like in comparison to the stories I''ve heard about taking it through court.

Good luck with it all.

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