I went to a mediator for an initial consultation, she said she was certain that with the little equity that would be in our property that a court would entertain me having to sell the property till the children leave full-time education.
She said as I could afford the repayments and the children aged 11 and 15 I would be allowed to live there.
I cannot remortgage because I got myself into debt a while back and am now on a Debt management plan.
If I were forced to sell by my husband I would have to be put into council property.
The mediator felt that the court would not feel they should have to home me as I am adequatley housed.
Anyway today my husband said if he divorced me I would have to sell the property as he would no longer be tied to the mortgage as we would be no longer married.
This has frightened me.
I understand he cannot get a mortgage while he is on our Family home one, as he does not earn a great deal.
Any advice or truth.
I cannot go to mediation yet as I cannot be in the same room with him as I am currently overcoming emotional abuse and feel to intimidated to sit in his company.
Your husband cannot escape his obligations to the mortgage company just by divorcing you. They have to agree to release him and they often don''t. The court can''t force them to, and it certainly isn''t an automatic consequence of divorce.
That said, a court might still order the house to be sold. However, if you can afford the repayments it is likely that you would be able to stay until the children leave school. You would be expected to sell then, though, and give him his share of the equity.
I know exactly how you feel re the mediation, I''m part I hadnt realised how badly emotionally & psychological I had been abused until x had left & I had to start making my own decisions & told people of life inside the house. X of course would deny this to the hilt.
For this reason our first mediation set 3 months after the split, I cancelled as I wasn''t ready or able to confront x. The mediatiors were really good & I plucked up the courage 2 months later (I found rescue remedy really good - think I overdosed on the spray) was really good.
At this time I sat there & thought .... Is this the man that had such control of me? I had prepared for the meetings (1) re contact (2) re finances, I listened to offers, offered my offer & hey presto it was over. The Jose nervracking period of my life, but I did it & lived to tell the tail. Plus got what I wanted a the time too (mabey I gave too much ( see prev posts took on debts & did not fight that one) but that was right for me at the time.
Your xh has a responsibility to ensure that your children have a home, so you may have a mesher order imposed so you can stay in the MFH. Just keep going for what is best for the children, I.e. surroundings they know & love, next to friends schools etc it is there future that in a way is more important & requires more.
My Mediator offered to mediate with us in different rooms. I decided against it as I felt that it would merely extend the process and make it more expensive. It could be an option for you to consider if you feel it it the only way.
I think most mediators are trained to balance things out and be aware of potential bullying tactics. I had my first session alone so that I could explain my fears in relation to the sexual, emotional and financial abuse I had suffered. I also made myself a list of what I would not tolerate. I didn''t share it but it made me feel more confident.
Think your x needs reminding that his responsibilities to your kids & their safety & security comes first before him & the ow.
I am not sure sometimes if some always feel they come first before their kids or if it something that happend due to divorce, but I just don''t understand it. When "we" have kids they are & should be 1st IMO! Or am I wrong?
As for mediation, we had joint mediation, but the mediators were really good & stopped any arguments (a few) coffee / tea break & maintained the flow so we got all done in 2 rounds which was good.