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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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Can anyone help me need advise

  • schloer
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27 Jan 13 #376474 by schloer
Topic started by schloer
I have been separated now for over 2 years. Got to the decree nissi part of divorce which is managed by a solicitor. Now at separate financial mediation meetings.
Ex has been very secretive with his financial dealings. He left me in 2009 to live with another woman. We have 3 children all over 18 two of them live with partners and the youngest is with me she attends university. We were married for 26 years.
He has pensions worth approx £300.000 and earns £71.000 pa. He also had savings which have now disappeared. The endowments for the mortgage are now very low and only worth approx £30.000
My wages are £13.500 pa I live in the FH Valued at £220.000 with a £110.000 interest only mortgage left on it with my daughter and pay most of the bills. Ex pays £103.00 interest only mortgage monthly, the house insurance £35.00 Monthly and the water rates £40.00 per month.
I pay Gas/Electricity £110.00 per month Broadband/phone £40.00 per month Television License £11.00 per month Council tax £150.00 per month and the food and expenses for our daughter who gets a bursary, from her nursing course.
All i want from this divorce is a roof over my head, and ancillary payments from him. At mediation he denied living with other woman, which is totally untrue, said he pays all the house bills and rent alone, and has no money left at the end of the month. He then brought up a debt i got my self into 15 years ago, I had credit cards, loans got into difficulties with the monthly payments after a change in my income, at the time I did not work, ex earned a lot of money contracting and gave me £1.000 a month suddenly it stopped when he went back to working for a company. my wages then went to £360.00 a month which had to buy food, clothes for the children and my self, items for the home, i just got so much in dept trying to carry on with our lives and could not pay the monthly payments, to my dismay they all totaled to £40.000 I had a breakdown tried to commit suicide it was a very bleak time of my life. We borrowed on the mortgage the £40.000 and paid off the debts, I got treatment for my depression and we moved on with our lives. That was till 2009 when he left me for another woman.
So now at mediation he brings the debt up again, and is demanding that the £40.000 be given to him when the pot is shared. If this were to happen then I wold not be able to buy myself a house outright, I am not able to get a mortgage as im am 54 years of age and don''t earn enough money to pay a mortgage, were he is 48 years of age and earns enough to pay a mortgage. Can anyone please help me, can you advise me as to what I might expect to happen will I be effectively homeless, I would not be able to pay rent on my wages, will I really come out of this marriage without a home.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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29 Jan 13 #376739 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
Hi schloer,

Welcome to wiki, I am sorry you have not had any replies, in part I think it might be due to you starting a new thread each time you post.

I realise you are new and will not know how it works so if I can just explain.

I have just seen your 3rd post but, as it does not link back to this, had no idea what your question was. I am therefore posting a reply here so that others will know your original question. That way, you should get more people helping.

If you have a new question, that fits a different topic, thats when to start a new thread. I hope that helps and please do not think I am being critical.

Now lets look at your situation,

First of all, you have been married for 26yrs, this counts as a long marriage and you will not walk away from it with nothing. The starting point would be 50/50 of the whole marital pot.

In a long marriage EVERYTHING forms part of that pot, including any debt. Your stbx (soon to be ex)will not be able to claim the 40K from 15yrs ago. It does not matter what it was spent on, it is so long ago, he accepted it then and it will not count now.

He has a large pension pot which was presumably built up during your marriage, to know its true value a CETV from his pension provider will be required. This will then form part of the financial pot and you would be entitled to a share. It could also be used to off set so that you get more equity in the house.

I see that you have a solicitor and have been granted your Decree Nisi, has your solicitor not submitted the forms for Financial Remedies (old name is Ancillary Relief).

Your first step is to speak to your solicitor to ascertain the above, if it has not been started then ask for them to do it with out delay.

Once the process has started, the court will set a timetable and you will get a date for the first hearing.

Before that first hearing, both you and your stbx will have to give full financial disclosure by filling in form E.

Your solicitor will be able to help you with this but also all on wiki have had to do it so you can ask questions here.

I hope that has given you some reassurance, please keep posting and speak to your solicitor today.

Best wishes,


  • rubytuesday
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07 Feb 13 #378515 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
As per request from the OP, can anyone else offer advice - and thank you NWTT for your response :)

  • MrsMathsisfun
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07 Feb 13 #378520 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
i would also suggest you look at how much it would cost to re home yourself. you would possible be entitled to a larger share of equity.

As there is a large difference in income then sm could be a factor.

  • Nigella19
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07 Feb 13 #378526 by Nigella19
Reply from Nigella19
Hi and welcome, I am not the one to advise on your other points but I did just want to touch on debt you ran up that caused you to get into difficulties with repayments some years back, and to give some support there.

Many people have found themselves in this horrible situation. It is so easy to accumulate debt and our ''consumer'' society, advertising, offers from finance institutions, often unsolicited, have led many many people down a path like yours to frightening debts they are unable to pay when circumstances change. I am sorry to hear this lead to such depression for you that you felt unable to continue at that point in your life. Good on you that you were able to find a resolution and move on from that.

Because the debt scenario you found yourself in was becoming all too common, action has been taken in recent years aimed at prevention including better disclosures from the financial institutions, consumer education, and responsible lending legislation so people are better informed of what they are taking on, what it could lead to and what to do about it if it does happen. There is still more that can be done, but there is a recognition and effort being put in currently that would not have been available to you back then - the new requirements have occurred largely on the back of the experiences of the many people who faced your circumstances.

Sorry I did not reply before now - I did not see your post.

Very best wishes, Nige.

  • dukey
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07 Feb 13 #378528 by dukey
Reply from dukey
NWTT raised an important point which the mediator should clear up swiftly, 15 years ago you both took a loan to pay some debt, that`s both of you, he may not have known at the time that this had accrued, it may even money you soley frittered away, but he agreed to pay it and you both stayed together, in court he would not be compensated for this, he knew about it, its long long ago.

Also is his pension final salary or money purchase?, if final salary it could be worth more than 300k, its a question that needs to be answered.

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