I do very much appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my post. I have only had one wife and so have nothing to compare with. At a point in the past when I tried to rationalise an issue / her she suggested that she's no crazier than any other woman i.e. all women are irrational? I am old enough to know that living in a bubble (marriage) it's difficult to be objective. I wish I'd got out 20 years ago. The reason I didn't get out then was because I love her; the reason I don't get out now is because I hope she can learn to love me. I suspect I will go to my grave regretting that I didn't get out. That's why we need a counsellor that will get off the fence and make judgements / tell it like it needs telling.
I think you will find that councillors don’t tell you what to do, just suggest things in a pc way.
Personally I would shock her. I would take her away on a surprise mini break, relax, wine and dine and discuss your relationship face to face.
Then you will know your answer.
It is a sad story and you are obviously in it 100%, but it takes two.