Long story - but I have always asked, begged my stbxw to go to a mediator for 6 months now. Even asked her solicitor for her to attend ( i have all this in writing). Her side have always refused to go. But now she wants to start court proceeding. For this is happen she needs to attend a mediator session with me to get a tick in the box then she could get public funding for the court proceedings.
Now I have have made many offers of settlement - very generous ones indeed, but thats a long story aswell.
I am now worried that she is only going to attend one session of mediation just to get a tick in the box, then say it didnt work. So she can then take me to court - for free so to speak.
What really is the mediators role? Should they sit down with both sides and hear each other side and see the finances etc etc. Then hopefully come up with a solution where both sides are happy. I expect to work away with nothing. Should the mediator then write up a report to show our solicitors ? If think she is willing it to fail, any advice would be good.
mediation is a voluntary process and can only work if both parties are willing to engage in it. You are right that for public funding to cover the costs of court proceedings mediation needs to have been tried. If it were any stronger than that it wouldn't be voluntary and therefore any agreement would be null and void.
The mediator's role is to get the two of you to talk and come to an agreement. It's not up to them to write a report for court or anyone else. All that they will do is record what you have agreed. If mediation is succesful your solicitor would be able to use this to prepare a Consent Order.
The initial meeting with a mediator is for them to explain what is involved in mediation, give you time to ask questions about it and check that you WANT to take part in it. They are also using the session to assess if mediation is likely to be able to help - or if things have already become too entrenched so that there is no hope of reaching agreement. But you can only speak for yourself, ie you cannot say that your stbx would not want to take part - that has to be their decision.
Mediaiton is a good idea, and helps a lot of people but it doesn't work in every case.