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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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1st mediation next week - at last!

  • Blueintears
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24 Nov 08 #67963 by Blueintears
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Hello...well they rang today and I have the first joint mediation next week. Any advice on how to play this? I mean do I say what I would like straight away or see what he says first? I am a little easily swayed and if he comes home and starts saying how he can't afford this and that and 'wouldn't it be better if...? I know 50-50 is start point - will mediator say if one is being unrealistic?
Scared, me!

  • verity
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24 Nov 08 #67976 by verity
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hi Blue in tears,
first time at mediation is they will ask you if you work how long you been married and your assets and they will ask your husband about wages how many children you have. and as my ex was lying about his wages. I was getting frustrated that I can't say nothing wait for your turn to talk ,mine was listening to my Ex because he was scared of my ex temper , most of the time the mediator has to stop him getting angry and they realise what I been through , I paid for mediation while my ex didn't pay because he was on low income even thogh at that time I was on legal aids . keep your cool . you can ask them for 50/50.sorry for the English take care . God Bless

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25 Nov 08 #68177 by theOptimist
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Hi Bluey in tears,

The first meeting will be all about getting the facts from both sides, ie income, mortgage, assets, debts...etc..On your second meeting, mediator will ask you what topics you want to discuss, ie arrangement of children, family house, or any other issues...Make sure you are prepared, decide what you want to bring into discussions...

I would personaly allow the other party to make suggestions first..it gives you more advantage. Don't be easily swayed, this is only a discussion, you don't have to agree to anything..My husband demanded 50.50 share, and I argued that there was not enough money to house both parties, so priority should be housing the kids and myself, so I needed 70/30 share...We're still arguing about this, he is stuborn and selfish..So don't know if mediation will work for us.

It's important that you stay calm and focused during the meetings, because it can be very upsetting and emotional..I try to treat it as a business meeting, detach yourself emotioanaly..Remember any decisions you take will be long term, think very hard before agreeing to anything...

Best of Luck..

Optimist

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25 Nov 08 #68313 by Blueintears
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:)Thank you Verity and The Optimist.... I am unsure as to go for the killer (70-30) of all when really I only want 60-40 of house. (And then negotiate down..so that he feels I have compromised - which in law I have)Not bothered about pension. BUT still need to sort out contents...god so many ...how is that done? Do you write down every single item? !!!!!!:P

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26 Nov 08 #68655 by verity
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Hi Blueintears.
depend on your asstets but still they can say you being greedy also which I know what you trying to do go high and they go down ,but It will depend on your ex like my barrister didn't agree with me when I said I want less than 50 ,she said I looked after the family and she will make me get 60/40 , she said the juge can accept it or they can still go 50/50 which in another way I won't loose as I wanted less. but if your stb is a reasonable man they you can get what you want , but my ex want to swallow me when he heard the barrister say 60/40. Just be strong and get what you want , In a way you are right but depend on the mediator . We agree at the mediation 50/50 but mediation wanted to know more about my Ex assets but he ran away for a years with his mistress n want to go to mediation , but i went to court instead before he ran away again . Go for it. put in your heart whatever happen have to happen , and whatever you get ,just say you try .

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26 Nov 08 #68684 by Blueintears
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Thanks. I think I may have another problem. If I go just 50-50 of house then he might just be able to raise this without selling the house. If I go for any more...I have to risk selling the house (could take ages) and him being made redundant (likely) and then I may not get much at all. What to do????

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26 Nov 08 #68688 by Itgetsbetter
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Hi Blue

I've also got my first mediation appointment next week, and am wondering the same as you.

I have been told that the mediation is simply a suggestion of how to split the assets and is not legally binding. I am wondering how we will get a real value of her house in the current market as I have been told what it is valued for and what it is worth could be hugely different!

My plan is to stick to the facts about my earnings and assets (I am employed so it is impossible for me to hide anything) and do some adding up on the stbxs income(she does some self employed cash in hand work) and also the value of things she has taken from the house like jewellery that she had from me over the years.

The other thing I have been told is to stay calm, the mediator is not there to judge the right and wrong of what has happened.

Happy to chat further if you want to compare notes after the first session!

Good luck!

Steve

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