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take out what you put in ( if youre a man !)

  • shinyhappypeople
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14 Feb 09 #89313 by shinyhappypeople
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Hi there

thanks for input
so far in mediation we have looked at whats been accumulated with regards to other assets ie endowments and divided up increases in those ( a painstaking job !!) for a few hundred either way !!

However , she said matrimonial home was treated differently to other assets ( the reason we lived in my house and rented his was cos mine was bigger and nicer and my 2 children lived here then )

Hopefully at our next session I will get a chance to put my views across .

Am I correct in saying that if were not taking out what we put in with regards to property then we shouldnt do it with pensions etc either ?


Thanks imediate , to be fair to our mediator , i feel she was tired and a bit fed up herself and probably wanted to get home for her tea !

shiny :)

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14 Feb 09 #89325 by Sera
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shinyhappypeople wrote:

Am I correct in saying that if were not taking out what we put in with regards to property then we shouldnt do it with pensions etc either ?


Yes, that's what we're saying!

Basically, in mid-to long term marriage; the starting point of negotiations would be 50%-50% of ALL assets, regardless of eithers' contribution.

However, there is the 'short-term marriage' clause. (It's a loose definition, usuallly applies to marriagees under 5 years, but would be up to a judge to decide if your six years is considered 'short'.) It's short-ish to mid-term, and since the average UK marriage is !2 yrs; yours is half the national average.

The STM clause works in effect to protect one party from being embezzled of monies, which is not your situation.

Your meditor has decided to follow the STM clause; (it's not a Rule, it's a clause!) but her applying it just to your assets; then taking a different stance in protecting his, seems wrong.
You either agree to work to that, or not!

There is not a different set of rules applied to the MH.

Your mediator may have been tired and fed up, but this is THE REST OF YOUR LIFE that you're fighting for. What is interesting about mediation: is that they do get very tired, and aren't equipped to deal with some of the emotional and exhausting bitterness within the room. Counseellors work to a 50 minute time slot so they're not suffering prolonged exposure to the pain and bitterness which can be draining.

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