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Second Mediation Session - What to expect ?

  • worriedkitty
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13 Feb 09 #89221 by worriedkitty
Topic started by worriedkitty
Well ... My STBX and I have both sent our form E's and all the accompanying paperwork to our mediator today for her to have a look at and we are going to have our first 'real' mediation session next Friday to start negotiations regarding finances.
I really have no idea what to expect at this meeting as we will all be there with copies of each other's forms but how do we start to tackle the knotty issue of who gets what ??

How active a role will the mediator take in the proceedings ? Will she outline what she thinks would be a fair settlement from having studied our forms and let us take it from there or will it just be a free for all ? How do I need to prepare myself for this meeting ? The list of questions is endless ...

Is there anyone out there who has been through mediation who can tell me what happens at this meeting and what to expect ?


  • shinyhappypeople
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13 Feb 09 #89231 by shinyhappypeople
Reply from shinyhappypeople
Hi wk

We have now been to a few mediation sessions .... it took a while for stbx to do form Etc .

we have only just exchanged info after 4 sessions and still stbx has much info missing .

The mediator has asked us what we both want to discuss and has given guidance on "case Law " but she is unable to advise you as she has to be impartial .
I have to say that had I not had advice from this site , i would be struggling and my stbx would be controlling things .... the mediator says you should go back to your solicitor in between sessions to discuss , but mediation is costing £150 per session / every 2 weeks , so I cant afford solicitors as well just now .
Our mediator has not given her own ideas on what might be fair , she says its all very gray ( isnt it just !) so basically its up to us to agree something .
At our next session , we too are supposed to ask questions relating to the exchanged form .
I have seen plenty of discrepancies , money being tranferred around etc , but am not sure how relevant it all is , think it depends on circumstances etc ... I am trying not to get bogged down in detail and look at the big picture .

good luck

  • mike62
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13 Feb 09 #89232 by mike62
Reply from mike62

You would do well to read this posting all the way through.


Everyone's mediation is different. All depends on how open minded both parties are about achieving a fair settlement.

Your mediator should be experienced in what is likely to been seen as a fair solution for both parties, but every case is different. Reading this post will give you a feel for the diversity of experiences others have had.

Hope it helps


  • rosiegirl
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13 Feb 09 #89253 by rosiegirl
Reply from rosiegirl
The mediators we had didn't outline what they saw as a fair settlement. They asked us what we wanted to achieve, kept track of all the facts and figures and guided the talks. They would try and get each of us to see things from the other's point of view and get us thinking about how to acheive what we wanted and set realistic goals. If they could see something was unfair they did spend a fair amount of time talking to try and get the one being "stubborn" :ohmy:to see how what they wanted was unrealistic.

They also supplied tissues and cups of tea ;)

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