sezann,
When you issue
divorce petition, a copy is 'served' on the respondant (your husband) by the court. Usually, it is posted to him at the address that you gave for him in your petition. It usually takes from 5 days to 2 weeks from you issuing proceedings to him receiving the petition.
The petition sets out that you are applying for a divorce and details the reasons that you have given.
From your posting, he has no idea what is coming his way. However, you have said very little about the circumstances, so it is very difficult for people to comment on how best to proceed.
For example, has your husband committed adultery? Does he have a drink problem?, have you just fallen out of love with him?, have you found someone new?, is he violent?, does he adore his child?, is he likely to agree to a divorce?, does he want a divorce?
Things like the above have a significant bearing on how best to proceed.
If he has no idea that it is coming, he is going to take it very badly, and the teddies will be thrown out of the pram in a big way.
He is still the father of your child, and that will never change. He may want to be very involved with his child in the future, and your child is a very important factor in all of this.
Before giving any advice, it may be better to post up some more information about the circumstances that have led you to the decision to issue proceedings against him.
Some golden rules:
- Try to keep things as amicable as possible, there are lots of things that have to be dealt with following the initial proceedings that require input from both of you
- Don't use your child as a weapon in the proceedings, or in the reasons for the divorce, unless the issues are very, very, serious
- Try to keep communicating with each other. Lots of problems can arise because emotions are running very high, and one party 'forgets' to tell the other party something important.
- If at all possible, try to use
mediation as a solution to deciding how best to split the assets (or liabilities) of the marriage, and to arrange how the child will spend time with both parents. Solicitors cost a lot of money and mediation is much cheaper. Mediation also requires the parties to agree between each other, and if someone is involved in a decision, rather than having it forced upon them, the outcome is usually more satifactory
- In your reasons for the divorce, don't be extreme. Your husband will not react well and may resent the whole thing, and try to de-rail the process by defending, or cross petitioning.
Timescales - very simple divorce - both parties agree, finances sorted - can be 6 months start to finish, or even less (depends on how busy local courts are)
Contested divorce - anything up to 12 - 24 months.
Lot to think about. Post up some more information and someone will respond.
Best of luck
Mike
