divorce

thanks for your reply

my ex left me on the 4th of nov said that he doesnt love me anymore, previously to him leaving we had a 2 week break b4 our first wedding anniversary we had a bit of a row he got violent and punched a door and i believe if i hadnt closed that door it would of been my face this was difficult to deal with. So after the 2 wk break he came back and we started a fresh and even started to go to councilling and we were making good progress, then my ex says that he isnt happy here and he wants to go and hes leaving.

when he left he exspected me 2 sort out everything very quickly ie bills etc and take them over myself but this took time wat with all the forms phone calls etc and i do work as well and i started to get verbal abuse and threats from him saying that he was going to cancel d debts and leave me stuck and i would be cos i have a little boy to think of,(even tho he only paid for a month of household bills) so i am divorcing him on the reasons of unreasonable behaviour. He also puts himself first and never thinks about me or our child and spends his money where he wants like going out a lot with his mates, clothes,dvds etc then leaves me financially short and i have to then struggle when we were 2gether he did moan a lot about paying for things as he said it should have been split equally even tho he was the main bread earned, so really i think i have had 2 put up with a lot i was reading my old diary 2day going back a couple of yrs and i was still putting up with his unreasonable behaviour then there are more things and comments i could waffle on about but i feel i have explained more now

thanx sezann

Sezanne,

Sorry things didnt work out for you.

Do you have a solicitor?

Is your divorce in progress?

I read your post but not sure if your had any specific questions.

hi yes i do have a solicitor and the divorce is in progress

my question was do i tell my ex about the divorce or do i let the divorce papers just arrive at his house not telling him? as he doesnt know im doing it he thinks that we will have to be living appart for 2 yrs b4 we can get a divorce but he doesnt know i have got the divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour some ppl have said not 2 tel him element of suprise, but its hard cos im an open honest person and i dont know wat 2 do 4 the best?

sezann

Sezan,

Well I think this is an easy one.

The divorce process is difficult and can all to easily turn you bitterly against each other which hurts you both with increased legal costs.

So you need to be as amicable / reasonable as you can.

On that basis I think you should tell him before he gets the papers.

I see no down side to doing this.

If the first he hears is the Petition Papers landing on his door mat (when he was expecting nothing for 2 years) it could cause a nasty reaction, especially as you are now going for UB instead of 2 years separation.

In fact now I think about it i think you should soften him up about the UB stuff.

Regulars on this site no that UB is just how divorce is done in the UK and that the things listed as Unreasonable Behaviour are of no consequence....it is just a formality.

I think you need to explain this to him......if he is not aware of this and unexpectedly receives a petiotion based on UB he could see it as the equivalent to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour

thanx for ur reply have u any ideas of how i could sofen him up about it all? and how to bring up the conversation?

i dont want to be bitter to him even after all he has done my parents split up when i was 16yrs so i know wat its like and they cant stand each other plus my ex and i have a 4yr old child 2gether which my ex does see most weekends so i dont want things to get difficult becoause of our child
thanx
sezann:)

I think you phone him (or even arrange to talk to him face to face) and say something like:

'We both want to get things settled as soon as possible so we can move on knowing where we stand financially. We can divorce much more quickly if one of us files on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Either of us can do it and I'm happy for you to divorce me, or I can divorce you. In order for us to get this the person filing for divorce would have to list some reasons they think the other person's behaviour isn't reasonable. I'm happy to get on and do it but I will have to give some reasons. They aren't intended as an attack on your character, but they do have to be serious enough to convince a judge. If you like we could agree the reasons in advance and then check with a solicitor whether they are strong enough.'

I know you really do have grounds on the basis of unreasonable behaviour but if you can you should set this aside and pretend that you just want to get the divorce over as quickly and amicably as possible.

Sadie

Sez
My advice is to keep your powder dry
Your x2b has violent streak ,you said, there is no cushioning for either of you in divorce
Just wait tl money mentioned then youll need your guard up
love looby