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HAVE I TOTALLY SCREWED UP WITH THIS OFFER?

  • loopylou
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13 Feb 08 #13748 by loopylou
Topic started by loopylou
Hi
Some of you know my story thus far some dont.
Basically been married 10 months, its a 4 year relationship. I have 1 child from a previous relationship. H left us last month and now wants to have a divorce. I am a housewife he is a wealthy earner of around £400 k a year net. He has 3 properties with high equitys. I have one property in my name. matrimonial home has an equity of £200k. Matrimonial home is in his sole name. Also purchasing a property overseas in joint names in cash for £200k to go through this week. He has frozen all bank accounts and left me with no liquid funds. My son attends Private school and I have only a term left paid.

Anyway, last night I was at my lowest. I sat on this website looking at all the forum posts and thought to myself I don't want this to be a battle for me like so many of you, so stupidly I sent him an email saying I just wanted my sons school paid til next July, for us to remain in the MH with the mortgage covered by him, For him to cover our utility bills. To sell the house in a year and move on, with me not wanting any capital from him ie; property, pensions lump sums.

I said in the email that my solicitor did not advise me to send it.

I spoke to my solicitor this morning. I haven't even met with him yet and only made contact with solicitor yesterday morning, so I have been given no legal advice. He said that its basically an offer to H, and although it could be gotten over, I have basically stated what my needs are on what I want from this.

I will go to my solicitor tomorrow, but if any of you can help with advice I would appreciate it in the meantime. I'm litereally pacing the floor and I get the feeling I have totally messed up.

  • mike62
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13 Feb 08 #13750 by mike62
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Loopylou,
Have to say that it wasn't the smartest move that anyone ever took, but as your sol said - it is recoverable.

For me, more importantly, it shows you to be a very moral person - it isn't the money that is important to you, and hence you are not a gold digger looking for all you can get so are therefore worthy of all the support that we can offer to you.
Should it ever go to court, I think that it would be in your favour, that you are not seeking the sun, the moon and the stars.

But I can quite see that looking at some of the horror stories here on Wikivorce that it is a hell of an incentive to sort things out quickly and cleanly and move on.
Loopy - you chose a good name! - you are at the beginning of a long journey. It isn't an easy one, but it does get better. Take each day as it comes and live life day by day. Best of luck with your sol's meeting tomorrow.

Take care of yourself

Mike

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13 Feb 08 #13751 by Specialdad
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No dont worry. Its an opening shot. If you are not happy with the settlement offer from him you can still take him to court.

There is usually a lot of bluff being played in the first year of a divorce battle before things start to settle down emotionally.

On my estimates you will be entitled to property, spousal maintainence, child maintainence, pension split and any increase in wealth created during marriage.

Your ex will not enjoy the next two years with court battles just like the Mccartneys.

SD

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13 Feb 08 #13754 by rosiegirl
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Hi Loopy

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice in the legal implications of your email as I'm struggling with financial arrangements with my ex and am not really up to speed myself. My understanding though is the same as Mike and SpecialDads. When ever I've needed to send emails to my ex regarding settlement issues, I have rung my solicitor and she has suggested the wording I should use which has been very helpful.

Do come back on here and vent when you need to - the support here is great and very helpful.

  • Vail
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13 Feb 08 #13755 by Vail
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Loopylou,

Take a deep breath and steady yourself...

No harm has been done.

No harm has been done.

No harm has been done.

You are not a machine. You are a human being and have emotions. It is natural to have highs and lows and it is natural to change one's mind. this isn't a matter of Contract law, you haven't sent an offer and your solicitor is quite right; it can be gotten over.

He is however incorrect when he says that that you have stated your 'needs'. You have stated your 'wants' at a time when you were depressed and felt unable to appreciate legal advice.

The courts look into people's needs and the practice rules include for the court to look at agreements to ensure that both parties are treated equally fairly (OK so that's the theory!).

No harm has been done.

next time you feel like this, by all means write an email to your x but do not send it. Give yourself a 48 hour 'cooling off' period and listen to your solicitor. Your's is the final call but he/she may see further and more clearly than you as he/she is more like a machine when it comes to your divorce.

You have a right to be emotional and a right to feel worried or down. You also have a right to feel happy and look forward to the future so do NOT fret. This was one email in what will become a mass of correspondence and is not the huge problem you may currently think it is.

No harm has been done.

Best wishes,

Vail

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13 Feb 08 #13758 by loopylou
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THANKS BOTH OF YOU

I am not the sort of person to pity myself, but I just feel like I have been hit head on by a double decker bus.

I am just not coping. I am trying so hard to stay strong, but I have never felt this pain. The words sound so dramatic, but I just can't understand how it got to this.

Stupidly, i looked at our wedding album yesterday. We looked so happy, my son did too. I can't erase the pictures from my brain. I looked a different woman. I look at myself today and look so ill. The sparlkle from me has gone. I can't stop bursting into tears. I haven't slept for days now and I don't know what to do. I have lost a total of a stone and I couldn't afford to loose it in the first place. I'm just not eating.

I just want it all to go away.

I'm trying to stay strong, for my son and I'm trying to put on a brave face.

What can I do to make this pain stop?

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13 Feb 08 #13759 by loopylou
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Vail

Thank you for your words.

I will definitely save any future emails to him for a cooling off period before sending. that is good advice. Thank you.

My nan used to say when she was alive that 'Love will set you free' I have never felt this love I do for my H as I have ever felt for any man before and I don't know why. He has lied cheated and betrayed me and my son, but why do I still love him? I thought last night that as he doesn't want to be in this marriage of a step father to my son, the best thing for me to do is get out and cut all ties and by not going down the court route we could do that. I do not want to be known as a gold digger and I'm not that kind of gal, but he is making it increasingly difficult for me to survive in this house. Its a 6 bedrromed huge house and the heating for a start in £400 per month. There is a Cleaner, Gardener and odd job man that come every week and I have borrowed money to pay them. I have given them 4 weeks notice (from last week) as they all have families to support too. I have been told that as my house that is in my name and is being rented out has an equity of £140,000 i am not entitled to legal aid, so I will also have to find the money to pay for future legal bills.

I'm trying to do the honest and fair thing and not take him for more than I need,even though his behaviour in all of this has been mean and spiteful.

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