A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Totally different advice from 2 lawyers

  • debbiedaly
  • debbiedaly's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3077 by debbiedaly
Topic started by debbiedaly
I initially saw a more junior lawyer and she tld me that with the huge gap in our incomes and my illness i couldn't be forced out of the mh and also could expect spousal maintenace. Then my case was passed to the head of department and she is singing a completely different tune! She says if she were my ex's lawyer she would advise him to go for 50/50 and for the sale of the house! At the time i was too shocked to say anything but i am seeing her briefly this week to sign the application for Decree Nisi. Should i challenge her with this difference? Whilst i understand that she was maybe trying to get me to see his side i still feel that she is singing from a comlpetely different hymn book compared to the other lawyer. How easy is it to change lawyers if she won't see my side and fight for what i want? I really need some advice on this as i suffer from Fibromyalgia and the stress is really aggravating my condition so i need this to be over!!

  • LittleMrMike
  • LittleMrMike's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3084 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
Reading between the lines my guess would be that the head of department has reviewed the file and thinks her assistant has made a porage of it, therefore has taken it over herself.

But if you are asking me to comment as to who's right - well, sorry, madam, but without knowing the facts I can't even guess. I would need to know details like

Your respective ages ;
Length of the marriage ;
Crucially, whether you have dependent children ;
An idea of the value of the marital home and how much equity there is ;
Your net incomes ;
Whether either of you has pension arrangements ;
what other assets you have, if any.

You have to assume that the head of department would be the more experienced. Also, at the risk of stating the obvious, she is acting for YOU, not your husband. But she might be doing you a favour, if she thinks that her assistant has given an over optimistic assessment of your prospects, she may improve the chances of a negotiated settlement, and thus save you costs.

As a church organist and former choir director, I know what you mean about singing from different hymn books !!

Mike 100468

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
  • OBEs 1 canoodly's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3087 by OBEs 1 canoodly
Reply from OBEs 1 canoodly
The trouble with all of us Debbie is that we only want to be told what we want to hear! We are all a bit guilty of that because we are only human! You warmed to the junior lawyer because she told you something that bought music to your ears!! However, imagine how you would feel some months down the line possibly at a final hearing if you are unlucky enough to go that far) that the judge decided you should get 50/50 you would be horrified!!!

I feel this lawyer is most definitely telling you how it is because the starting point is always 50/50 and it is about time more lawyers were honest with women as this senior lawyer has been with you.If you know that this is the point that sets precedence then you may be happier with the final outcome! Do not dismiss this more senior lawyer's advice.

However also be aware that this is where it can start to go into a minefield if you are not careful and battle will commence. It is good to get as much information and advice as you can. Be very clued up even if dealing with a solicitor don't leave it all to them don't let them see you as a soft touch because they could end up costing you a lot not just in financial terms but emotional too!! It is not a bad thing to learn and trust me learn you will!! All lawyers have different ways but it is all so different once you get as far as the court and barristers so get your knowledge together and get your facts straight. Don't see this just from your side as remember your partner is a human being too and there are always two sides to a story and the courts do take both sides into consideration - this is not all about you.

Lots of us are now 2, 3 & 4 years down the line, no further forward but with enough legal paper trail to decorate every house in every country in all the world!!!!!! We also have the massive legal bills to go with it. Try not to go down that road remember that money is better in your pocket than the solicitors - many on here have self - repped. I am not saying that you should be without advice but if you start to read up on a lot of the situations on this site you will learn a lot. Not everyone's situation is the same but getting yourself clued up first and then getting advice from your solicitor also is a good combination and it will make the solicitor realise they are not dealing with a fool!!!


Your illness is not a major dilemna and would not be considered as such by the courts as fibromyalgia is bought on mostly by stress - please accept I do understand this particular illness although I don't know about yours. Also remember most courts are looking at the financial not who's done what or illness, that's not to say they don't take illness into consideration but it would have to be something majorly debilitating for them to feel you could never work again! And, remember, you have to have the medical report to back that up!

I do not know enough to advise you but I am quite sure that if you can post a bit more information about your particular situation i.e. age? children? mortgage? equity in the home? pensions? wages? how long married etc etc I am sure there will be someone on here that will be able to give you much better advice than I. Please do remember though that most of us on here are advising from our own experience.

Good luck! I know you will find some good help here debbie and lots of support, we are all here to help each other as we are all in the same emotional boat!!!

regards

OBE

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
  • OBEs 1 canoodly's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3088 by OBEs 1 canoodly
Reply from OBEs 1 canoodly
The trouble with all of us Debbie is that we only want to be told what we want to hear! We are all a bit guilty of that because we are only human! You warmed to the junior lawyer because she told you something that bought music to your ears!! However, imagine how you would feel some months down the line possibly at a final hearing if you are unlucky enough to go that far) that the judge decided you should get 50/50 you would be horrified!!!

I feel this lawyer is most definitely telling you how it is because the starting point is always 50/50 and it is about time more lawyers were honest with women as this senior lawyer has been with you.If you know that this is the point that sets precedence then you may be happier with the final outcome! Do not dismiss this more senior lawyer's advice.

However also be aware that this is where it can start to go into a minefield if you are not careful and battle will commence. It is good to get as much information and advice as you can. Be very clued up even if dealing with a solicitor don't leave it all to them don't let them see you as a soft touch because they could end up costing you a lot not just in financial terms but emotional too!! It is not a bad thing to learn and trust me learn you will!! All lawyers have different ways but it is all so different once you get as far as the court and barristers so get your knowledge together and get your facts straight. Don't see this just from your side as remember your partner is a human being too and there are always two sides to a story and the courts do take both sides into consideration - this is not all about you.

Lots of us are now 2, 3 & 4 years down the line, no further forward but with enough legal paper trail to decorate every house in every country in all the world!!!!!! We also have the massive legal bills to go with it. Try not to go down that road remember that money is better in your pocket than the solicitors - many on here have self - repped. I am not saying that you should be without advice but if you start to read up on a lot of the situations on this site you will learn a lot. Not everyone's situation is the same but getting yourself clued up first and then getting advice from your solicitor also is a good combination and it will make the solicitor realise they are not dealing with a fool!!!


Your illness is not a major dilemna and would not be considered as such by the courts as fibromyalgia is bought on mostly by stress - please accept I do understand this particular illness although I don't know about yours. Also remember most courts are looking at the financial not who's done what or illness, that's not to say they don't take illness into consideration but it would have to be something majorly debilitating for them to feel you could never work again! And, remember, you have to have the medical report to back that up!

I do not know enough to advise you but I am quite sure that if you can post a bit more information about your particular situation i.e. age? children? mortgage? equity in the home? pensions? wages? how long married etc etc I am sure there will be someone on here that will be able to give you much better advice than I. Please do remember though that most of us on here are advising from our own experience.

Good luck! I know you will find some good help here debbie and lots of support, we are all here to help each other as we are all in the same emotional boat!!!

regards

OBE

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
  • OBEs 1 canoodly's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3089 by OBEs 1 canoodly
Reply from OBEs 1 canoodly
The trouble with all of us Debbie is that we only want to be told what we want to hear! We are all a bit guilty of that because we are only human! You warmed to the junior lawyer because she told you something that bought music to your ears!! However, imagine how you would feel some months down the line possibly at a final hearing if you are unlucky enough to go that far) that the judge decided you should get 50/50 you would be horrified!!!

I feel this lawyer is most definitely telling you how it is because the starting point is always 50/50 and it is about time more lawyers were honest with women as this senior lawyer has been with you.If you know that this is the point that sets precedence then you may be happier with the final outcome! Do not dismiss this more senior lawyer's advice.

However also be aware that this is where it can start to go into a minefield if you are not careful and battle will commence. It is good to get as much information and advice as you can. Be very clued up even if dealing with a solicitor don't leave it all to them don't let them see you as a soft touch because they could end up costing you a lot not just in financial terms but emotional too!! It is not a bad thing to learn and trust me learn you will!! All lawyers have different ways but it is all so different once you get as far as the court and barristers so get your knowledge together and get your facts straight. Don't see this just from your side as remember your partner is a human being too and there are always two sides to a story and the courts do take both sides into consideration - this is not all about you.

Lots of us are now 2, 3 & 4 years down the line, no further forward but with enough legal paper trail to decorate every house in every country in all the world!!!!!! We also have the massive legal bills to go with it. Try not to go down that road remember that money is better in your pocket than the solicitors - many on here have self - repped. I am not saying that you should be without advice but if you start to read up on a lot of the situations on this site you will learn a lot. Not everyone's situation is the same but getting yourself clued up first and then getting advice from your solicitor also is a good combination and it will make the solicitor realise they are not dealing with a fool!!!


Your illness is not a major dilemna and would not be considered as such by the courts as fibromyalgia is bought on mostly by stress - please accept I do understand this particular illness although I don't know about yours. Also remember most courts are looking at the financial not who's done what or illness, that's not to say they don't take illness into consideration but it would have to be something majorly debilitating for them to feel you could never work again! And, remember, you have to have the medical report to back that up!

I do not know enough to advise you but I am quite sure that if you can post a bit more information about your particular situation i.e. age? children? mortgage? equity in the home? pensions? wages? how long married etc etc I am sure there will be someone on here that will be able to give you much better advice than I. Please do remember though that most of us on here are advising from our own experience.

Good luck! I know you will find some good help here debbie and lots of support, we are all here to help each other as we are all in the same emotional boat!!!

regards

OBE

  • debbiedaly
  • debbiedaly's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3130 by debbiedaly
Reply from debbiedaly
Thanks for your advice guys. I won't go in to the financials of my situation but i have been told by numerous people and solicitors that i should expect more than 50/50 because of dependant children, the length of the marriage,the lack of any real assets aside from a small equity in the house , my share of which would not enable me to start again, and my illness. His solicitor has been sent a doctor's report statng that i should not be working at all, so he should be glad that i manage to drag myself in every week or he would be looking at an even worse situation for himself! Fibromyalgia is worsened by stress but not caused by it. The causes are complex and little understood but do relate to a lack of serotonin in the brain which makes regulation of the pain pathways very difficult. I want a fair settlement for both of us but the kids must come first. I don't accept what my lawyers has said just because she isn't saying what everything else is indicating should be the case. If you can accept that that is correct then i comes back to my question of how do you change lawyers and what will it cost in terms of time and money? :S

  • OBEs 1 canoodly
  • OBEs 1 canoodly's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Sep 07 #3132 by OBEs 1 canoodly
Reply from OBEs 1 canoodly
you just simply ask the first lawyer to make up your bill and find a new one. If the first one has done any of the work up until now you will not be able to get your file from them until you have paid up what you owe.

Simple.

However, just be warned that if you get another solicitor that tells you exactly what you want to hear........beware!!

Good luck debbie

OBE

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11