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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Collaboration not working

  • GreatValue18
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09 Apr 16 #476691 by GreatValue18
Topic started by GreatValue18
My ex and I agreed to use collaboration, at my suggestion. Although it was he who ended the marriage we still co-habit, separate bedrooms etc. We have 2 children (under 12)
I thought we were both emotionally stable enough to be ''grown up'' about it but it has all fallen apart & is becoming horrendous.
SO several thousand pounds later I feel stuck, he is uncooperative and verbally abusive whenever the ''divorce'' topic is broached making life at home very difficult as I''m trying to protect our children from his ''bad moods''.

I am considering a court action but am not even sure what this means! I am aware I cannot use same solicitor but before I take the plunge I need to know approx time scale and costs, I really have no idea so the basics here will be very useful.

Thanks x

  • flowerofscotland
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10 Apr 16 #476714 by flowerofscotland
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Hi GreatValue18,

In Scotland, things are done slightly different.

If your separation is ''amicable'' and you can both appoint a good Family Law Specialist to come up with a Minute of Agreement, then you can be divorced either after 1 year or wait for 2 years, which is the most cost effective way. In Scotland, the welfare of the children and the finances/assets which are taken from the date of marriage to the date of separation, are to be agreed upon before a divorce will be granted. That is the general rule of thumb.

If your STBX and you are still co-habiting, then this will only add fuel to your fire. Trying to talk to someone who sounds unreasonable is only going to escalate your situation.

If you move into Court scenario, then this could play out for years, my own divorce took well over 4 years to be granted. This was due to my X being incapable to agree on our assets, he dragged things out as he wanted his cake and to eat it too. It cost me well over £20K in court costs over that period. My situation was quite unusual as we had a very valuable asset that my X ''took'' without my knowledge or permission and tried to play down its value.

What I am trying to say, is you need to treat this like a business transaction. If you already have a FLS to hand, then make sure you have a strategy in place and try and avoid Court at all times, if you can. His reaction may be that you will have no alternative, but be prepared for what can be a long drawn out affair. If your children and their welfare have been agreed by the two of you, then you need to look at your financial assets and take the advice of a good legal counsel. If your X is generally being unreasonable and will not agree to anything, then you may have no alternative but to have the divorce Courts intervene.

Take care for now FoS x

  • GreatValue18
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10 Apr 16 #476716 by GreatValue18
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Thanks FoS, do you know if the court can enforce sale of marital home if ex refuses? I would be more keen to move forward with collaboration if there is no guaranteed outcome through the courts. Do you know if he can still refuse to accept an offer on the property even if he agrees to put it on the market?
x

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11 Apr 16 #476732 by flowerofscotland
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Hi GreatValue18,

There would be a guaranteed outcome through the Courts, it will be dependant on how long either of you, or both of you drag this out.

The welfare of the children would be first priority and that includes a roof over their heads. This may be the tact that your STBX uses if he does not wish to agree to the FMH being put up for sale.

My advice, if you want to move on, is to look at either buying him out or vice versa. Or you both agree that the house goes on the market together. You will also need to take into account all joint marital assets as if you are going to be the Resident Parent, you may be looking for a slighltly bigger share if you are to have the children the majority of the time.

There are many factors to consider when untangling a family. Your STBX sounds as if he may have second thoughts if he is being obstructive or difficult. My advice is to really get a good Family Law Specialist to help you look at the bigger picture and see what can be achieved in the long term realistically. Collaboration only works if both parties are actually willing to do just that and collaborate.

Divorce is not a path many of us here would necessarily recommend, but if you are on its road sometimes you just need to get into the driving seat and drive.

Take care for now FoS x

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