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Please help me

  • JulieSam
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31 Oct 07 #5583 by JulieSam
Topic started by JulieSam
Hi, I filed for divorce approximately a year ago and my husband left the UK and moved back to Eire, I had the petition sent to him at his fathers address and he never acknowledged it. I am now in a position where I have no contact details for him whatsoever, he has had no contact with our 4 children in 4-5 months and now my solicitor is closing my file because there has been no contact and there apparently is no way forward. I was offered the option to pay to have papers served on him in Eire but at 300 euros a time and considering I have no address for him, its an expensive do when i'm working part time and raising 4 children. The letter from my solicitor stated 'As there has been no contact since April I am assuming you no longer wish to proceed with your divorce suit and i am therefore closing your file' Does this mean I'm no longer getting divorced? Does anyone have any ideas on how I can move forward with my divorce?
I'd appreciate any response, I just want to move on with my life and there are certain areas where legally my hands are tied until my divorce is final. He has never sought legal advice and has no intention of arguing the grounds for divorce.

  • gone1
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01 Nov 07 #5671 by gone1
Reply from gone1
I am sure you do want to get on with your life. Your sol is just arvhiving your file to get it off his desk. If U have been in his office you will know what this means. No its not closed its just he cant do anymore with it at the mo. I know this is hard but I would put the divorce on hold for now until your ex surfaces. U can do something about it after 5 years I think. Just get on with your life and start again in a while. Time pases fast when U are having fun. All the best Chris.

  • mike62
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01 Nov 07 #5680 by mike62
Reply from mike62

It is a very difficult position that you are in. Probably why not many have posted a reply, because it is an unusual situation.

The rules are:

-Divorce can only be petitioned after one year of marriage
-Between one and two years, Divorce can be petitioned on the grounds of either Unreasonable Behaviour or Adultery. Burden of proof for adultery is high if your STBX is being uncooperative.
-After two years of separation, by mutual consent
-After 5 years of separation by reason of desertion

If you can't find him to serve the petition, you are sadly looking at 5 years separation before you can bring proceedings without his consent or co-operation.

I hear what you are saying about it being very difficult with 4 children, and certain aspects of life being impossible whilst 'married' in name only.

300 euros takes some finding, when you haven't got it.

Do you have any other route of tracking him down, through friends or family who are still loyal to you? Is there any activity on bank statements or credit cards statements to give you a clue?

Have you tried contacting the Irish Gardai to see if they can find him for you? Is there a missing person's charity that you could turn to for help?

Do you know what work he is doing? Any possibility of 'pretending' to be a friend and call some of the people he used to be involved with?

I realize you are between a rock and a hard place, but as Chris says, you can only try to get on with your life and wait until he surfaces. Or wait another 4 years.

He is being a real sh*t to you, but he will get his comeuppance - eventually!

Best of luck


  • JulieSam
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01 Nov 07 #5683 by JulieSam
Reply from JulieSam
Thanks for your replies

Apparently he is working and living in his brothers pub, but there are hundreds of pubs in the city where he lives and since he is a pathalogical liar I don't even have any guarantee that this information is true. I have tried contacting Irish tax office and benefits office but they're at no liberty to give me an address, they won't part with any personal detials at all no matter what the circumstances. I have tried contacting his family but they won't tell me anything obviously, (the irish are very clannish IMO) I might try Mikes suggestion of reporting him as missing, anytings worth a try at this point. I have heard that I can get a court order to dispense with service of papers under certain circumstances but I have to be able to prove that I have tried to contact him, does anyone have any experience of this?


  • lilybet
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01 Nov 07 #5699 by lilybet
Reply from lilybet
:angry:.hi you might be suprised to know i was insimalar position im irish and he moved back to eire without anything being sorted out.all he was interested in was his share of house.in all i had 4 different solicitors various reasons moved offices,sickness so on. anyway like your self my x could'tbe trusted and would't respond to anything,tried after 2yrs to divorce but he would't agree. papers stayed on file, waited till 5yrs then i could divorce under 5yrs sereration rule unconstested by him.BUT it cost me an extra £1000 as the judge wanted to know why there was 2 applicatios for divorce from me,so she called a small hearing, which amazingly enough turned up to,as he thought he was getting his share of the house.i might add that he never paid anything towards the girls or anything else, he made sure i was under financial and emotional pressure.the divorce went through but,my solicitor never sorted out any ancillary relief. at the time i thought this just meant maintenance!!! not the issue of the house. so here i am 7.5 yrs later no outcome,and at present i am facing a bill from the council doing up all the properties mine is £5,750!!. just being informed that they cannot approve the discretionary loan as 2 people on the lease. so he would have to agree to it. cant see him doing the sensisble thing, its galling he still has control over me even noe to some extent.he has changed addresses 3 times. now though he has bought a house with his girlfriend. so if there is no property in question, yuou are better off,the last post was correct in saying the time does pass quickly believe it or not.at least my family are doing better now. 2 of our daughters have broken all contact with him.post a bit more info. best wishes liz.:S

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