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Heading into Mediation - a few financial questions

  • sotiredofthisnow
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24 Apr 12 #326327 by sotiredofthisnow
Topic started by sotiredofthisnow
I am 42 and in full-time employment since leaving school, paid into NHS pension from 1991 to 2006. My income now from private sector at £2300 per month with no pension contribution from my employer whatever.

STBX is 27 and has always worked under 16 hours per week. Income with benefits is £1800 per month

We married in Jan 2006 (cohabit 4 months prior)
Separated in March 2010

I brought my home which stayed in my name throughout as did the mortgages and four ''classic'' cars I was restoring to the marriage, I also sold a piano & other possessions to fund a shortfall in our early life together. I had a debts to my parents for the house deposit.

My wife brought nothing financially.

She had a son from previous relationship (no support from natural father who is not contactable nor in the UK)

He called me Dad and I raised him as my own.

I stayed in the FMH on separation, and paid her rent & deposit and acted as guarantor. I also gave a further £5000 to help with readjustment and training for a better job/study plus help with childcare (I also sponsored a visit from her overseas mother to help with childcare while she found more work) she took a car and all our savings but the car died so I paid for a replacement for them.

I voluntarily gave periodic monthly payments of £188 for the first year to further support. I was allowed contact for a while but now have had no contact for 9 months though I ask occasionally she says ''He''s frustrated and angry with me when he comes back from being with you, you must be trying to turn him against me'' (not so)

My wife has had £8500 since separation but has now asked for mediation ''for a financial settlement''

My assets - my home (the fmh) likely selling price £142,000.
an old car worth £1000 (nothing else worth over £500)

Liabilities - I still owe my dad £2356
Mortgages - £135,500 plus early repayment charges - estimate equity after sale costs around £3500

I don''t want to give up any part of my pension I built up before I met her as she is young and has earning capacity & a lifetime of contributions ahead, nor do I want to sell my home of the last 13 years

As I see it, she''s had a lump sum sufficient to establish an independent life already (and then some) and has been living independently for the last 2 years.

So what further needs do I need to meet ?

My only assets really are my credit rating and my income (I''m at the top of my salary scale, hers can only increase)

Help !

  • sotiredofthisnow
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24 Apr 12 #326329 by sotiredofthisnow
Reply from sotiredofthisnow
sorry, I also have an overdraft of £2000
am likely to be made redundant soon, I may find work but no chance it would be at the salary I''m on at the moment. My central heating just died and my car has 250,000 miles on the clock so I''m worried about that too. Plus I''ll have to pay for mediation est: £700 plus a Consent Order & advice etc ....

  • Fiona
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24 Apr 12 #326390 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
There are virtually no liquid assets to split and given the marriage was short and your wife has about 40 years before state pensionable age I don''t think pension sharing is appropriate. The only thing is the nature of your relationship with your step son and if you financially supported him there maybe liability for child maintenance.

Sadly it isn''t uncommon for children to act out a bit after contact and for a parent to perceive this as something the other parent is responsible for. Hopefully mediation will sort this out.

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25 Apr 12 #326405 by sotiredofthisnow
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Thanks Fiona, I suspect he has a good deal of unresolved anger & frustration. I''m on antidepressants, had counselling etc and can go for a drink with my friends. He hasn''t had that kind of help and it worries me. Also, perhaps he''s more likely to express his anger to his mum as he lives with her and hopefully feels secure there, and freer to kick off. I don''t mind paying child maintenance, I did do voluntarily for the first year of separation but was advised to stop by my solicitor until the divorce is settled (I no longer have a solicitor, was too expensive and she left the firm now). Will the mediators allow any kind of ''I''ll pay maintenance if you let us see each other'' kind of negotiation ? or is that frowned upon? Also my wife intends to relocate 200 miles away and set up home with her new partner, who she sees as ''new father'' material (not that I expect her to admit this in mediation) her mum (with whom I remained in touch) told me she plans to move in ''this July'' , so contact becomes ever more tenuous if it''s agreed at all. It''s all very sad.

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