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Can i contact CAFCASS, no initial welfare issues??

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29 May 09 #120081 by Nikkis9316
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I shall try to keep this brief (sorry its not), any comments very welcome.

I posted previously as my ex of my youngest child wanted all day sundays (every week) and overnight stays sat fortnightly.

My concerns were that all day sundays didnt leave any time for my three children (2 from previous marraige) to spend time together on sundays. (older children with ex husband from fri to sun aft)

I asked my ex to have youngest child sats fullday instead so i could have all children full days sundays.

Also had concerns regarding overnights stays at present as ex only had 3 hourly contact (his request) twice a week and child was still in my bedroom as had to build extension to provide additional bedroom which wasn't ready till december. Ex left when child was 5 weeks old so never a regualar factor in bedtime routines.

Was in court this week...CAFCASS had no child welfare concerns and they spoke to ex briefly to explain this. I explained i had done a trial run of child in own bed prior to solicitor contact....but due to having to get up for work at 5.30am and eldest doing exams and school etc i had to stop due to constant crying throught night, but was waiting for school holidys and was going to take 2 weeks annual leave to concentrate fully on getting youngest in own bed.

Prior to seeing the Judge, ex decided on seeing child alternate sundays for full day, (rather than sat weekly as i proposed for consistency), and 1 weekly evening as existing and to review overnight fortnightly sats in 3 months, when child was settled in own room at home.

Judge independently extended review of overnight stays to 4 months.

Sorry for preview but now my question....on returning to work the day after the court hearing all annual leave was fully booked until September, which would only leave me less than 4 weeks to try and establish own bedroom routine.

I contacted my solicitor on the same day of return to work....he said no point in letting the court know and to start own bedroom routine on my days off and if not working to allow child to sleep in my room if problems occuring. At 3 years old i know it will be at least 2 weeks continuous routine to try and establish any routine without confusing her,without doing 4 days out of 7 by taking her back in my own bed.

So i find myself in a very difficult position.....solicitors advise (who admits to having no children or skills) confuse the child or should i follow my instinct and that of the health visitor to wait till Sept and remain consistency.

Would it be possible to phone the court and arrange to apeak to the CAFCASS officer and discuss my dilemma even though they didn't see a welfare issue, to gain advice from a court perspective or can i inform the court/judge regarding the dilemma??

Dont want to turn up in court in 4 months showing no progress and be accused of being an obstuctive/delaying mother but not sure how to proceed?

Any advice please??????

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30 May 09 #120083 by D L
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If you are not happy with the advice from your solicitor, tell him or her you want the issue to be returned and the hearing adjourned. However, my advice would be the same as the solicitor and I do have children. This needs to be resolved, and it needs to move.

Amanda

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30 May 09 #120085 by Nikkis9316
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Thank You Amanda

I will follow any advice....my only concern is that i dont start something that a) distress the childs welfare b) will prolong an outcome due to inconsistency and c) see me as the obstuctive mother.

My child at present, when i mention sleeping in her own bed states she will sleep in her own bed when she is 6 ?????? I know there is reluctance and given the age i am expecting reluctance than a younger child.....which is why i wanted a good time of leave from work to be able to dedicate to this.

I am pro to overnight stays not only for my child/father but for myself as well.

My only concern is giving her confused/mixed messages if i have to shift her sleeping pattern due to my work days....unfortunately i can't hide at work and i'm in a position of making decisions that involve basically life or death so need to 100% on the ball.


My solicitor suggested starting and reviewing in a month if inconsistent and no progress.....does this seem normal??

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30 May 09 #120087 by D L
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My child at present, when i mention sleeping in her own bed states she will sleep in her own bed when she is 6


:dry:- been there, done that, got that T shirt :). Have you thought about whether you need to do it at all right now? Slightly different I know, but we split when the little one was around 2. She had always slept in our bed, and simply continued to sleep in our individual beds post split until she was ready. Is sleeping in dads bed, or own bed at dads an option, keeping the status quo at home (although I suspect you must be very tired of it), an option?

Amanda

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30 May 09 #120152 by Nikkis9316
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In all honesty i feel as though i am being pressured in having to rush my child into her own bed. Even though it would be nice to reclaim my bed and i had done a trial run prior to solicitor involvement......if the courts weren't involved i would be leaving it at present. Your suggestion is one to consider.

However, my solicitor suggested that my child needed to be settled in her own room prior to overnight stays so it was established, as her father has never even put her to bed it was thought she would be alarmed to wake up in his bed. CAFCASS supported this and i also thought it a better option than having to establish own bedroom sleeping in two households at a later date.

I think i will take annual leave in Sept and start own bedroom routine then.......i have new pyjamas, story books and star chart in mind!! Hopefully she will adapt within 2 weeks or be making positive progress.

If she needs a little more time hopefully the court will allow that??? But ideally i would like her having overnights by December and it is xmas day with her daddy this year so would be lovelly if she can stay over xmas eve aswell, instead of an early morning drop off.

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30 May 09 #120164 by NellNoRegrets
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I'm not sure why you think this is going to be a big issue? Your daughter is in a routine but getting into another routine shouldn't be a huge problem, especially if you make it exciting that she's a big girl with her own bed and her own bedroom!


You might have to be firm for a couple of nights, but then it should be sorted.

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30 May 09 #120183 by Nikkis9316
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Hi NoRegretsNell

I am hoping it wont be a big issue....but as previously mentioned i did a trial run....getting her to sleep in her bed was the easy part with just 30 mins tears. The problem is she's a night waker, has been since birth and after the third night of battling i had to postpone the attempt after we both went to work/nursery on less than 3 hours sleep. Hence the reason i need some annual leave to be able to do this.

My concern isn't doing the sleeping part it is fitting it in, in the 4 months the courts have given me to do it, which was very generous to allow a good routine to be in place, however i can't get annual leave till sept. Thats why i was asking if i could contact CAFCASS for advice or acknowledge the court of this, which Amanda kindly addressed.

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