A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Unfit father

  • mozart8
  • mozart8's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
15 Jun 09 #124168 by mozart8
Topic started by mozart8
Hi everyone,
My daughter is 3 in july. hasn't seen her father for 8 months. He was seeing her 5 hours on a saturday, for about 5 months. We had a blazing row after he didn't show up and didn't let me know until 6 days later and blamed it on sleeping in after taking strong painkillers. The following week he returned her and had 2 men with him, who i didn't know, and we had an argument, where i was terrified that he was going to headbutt me. As i moved his finger from my face i caught the side of his mouth. He went to the police and accused me of assault. I was arrested, but because the 2 men he had as witnesses didn't back up his story, the police dropped it. So i hadn't heard anything until a couple of months ago when he had the court order served on me. he is a stranger to her again now, and i am not willing to settler her with him, and i have no family who can do this either. How can he just pop in and out of her life when he wishes, have me arrested and lie to the police. He is not a stable person, has a drug and alcohol problem. I know that he will let my daughter down and confuse her. I need to protect my daughter from him but feel that because he is her dad, no one is listening to my concerns that he is not a fit person to be able to care and look after her. I'm going to court to get the court order changed, i don't want him to see her. what can happen to me if i don't take notice of the court order?

  • mumtoboys
  • mumtoboys's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
15 Jun 09 #124187 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
Mozart - I really feel for you. My husband has me arrested for an alleged 'assault' where the only thing that got hurt was his pride (he got caught red handed, lying, with his pants down...) and it too got taken no further. Terrible experience and one we should never have had to go through.

That said, I am afraid that the courts take the rights of the child to have a relationship with both parents very seriously and you may find you have a battle on your hands in this respect.

I hope someone will come along soon to discuss the legal issues with you as I am no expert and do not want to wrongly advise you. It sounds to me like your ex would be a candidate for supervised access and perhaps this is what you should be pushing for whilst you go back to court.

I am afraid that when relationships go wrong and your gut instinct, as a mother, feels that your child's relationship with their father is going to be damaging, it can feel as if no one is listening to you. I feel like this - my stbx has turned very nasty and I am not happy about the level of access he has and how he is managing our children. I am however, learning (albeit very slowly) that at some level, I am going to have to let things go even when I don't, can't and never will be able to trust him with the boys. I am trying to concerntrate my efforts on being a decent, honest, consistent parent with strong values, providing my children with a sense of security, safety etc. This is all I can do now. They need to be able to work out the relationship with their dad on their own terms, in their own time. I cannot influence this, however much I want to.

Take care, it is tough and you are probably at the start of a long battle and worrying time. Things will improve, over time, I'm sure.

  • Grim2332
  • Grim2332's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
15 Jun 09 #124234 by Grim2332
Reply from Grim2332
i am sorry to say the courts dont seem to care. in my case they asked my kids if they missed their dad and everything they said after that was ignored. he is being a smug bully, the kids arent happy im not happy and the courts dont care unless someone gets hurt, by then it will be too late.

it doesnt help but its the facts

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.