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  • ROLLERCOASTERRIDE's Avatar Posted by
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27 Jun 09 #127193 by ROLLERCOASTERRIDE
Hi my husband walked out and left me and our 2 boys 11/13 2 months ago, we had no idea he was going he just upped and left without a word or a letter, he sent our 13 year old son a dreadfull email saying that my family were going to kill him and he left for their saftey, my mum sadly passed away 5 months ago and my dad has now been diagnosed with cancer and has been given 9 months to live, my family have far worse things to think of than going after my ex, my ex had been having a affair, my solicitor thought it was in the childrens best interest to not see their father whilst he was sending such emails, causing my boys to be very low and distressed, my ex then started emailing our eldest son again and told him to delete all emails in order for me not to be able to see or use them, this caused our son to be racked with guilt for lieing to me.

my husband has now issued me with court papers and is trying to get custody of the boys, my eldest son is so confused one minute he wants to go live with his dad the next he doesnt, our youngest is adamant that he doesnt even want to see his dad let alone live with him, what are the chances of the court splitting my children up and letting our eldest live with his dad? this would break my heart, i know there is not much chance of this happening because their dad works offshore so is away for 2 weeks at a time, he has said that if he gets custody the boys will live with his parents for the 2 weeks as he now lives over a hour away from us.

last friday i allowed my ex to come and see our eldest son as he was very distressed and wanted to ask his dad some questions, he was taking it all out on me and i thought it was the right thing to do to let him see his dad, unfortunately the visit ended badly and my husband assaulted me, he left me with a large lump and bruising to my left eye and bruising to my right hip, he went on the run and is now back offshore so i know im safe for 2 weeks, the police are going to arrest him when he comes off.

what i want to know is how will what he has done affect things in court i.e. access/custody, he has not given me a penny towards the boys since he left and he froze all our bank accounts, i am now struggling to pay all my bills has he is not helping with these either.


  • asram
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27 Jun 09 #127197 by asram
Reply from asram

((((((Theresa))))) thats a wiki hug for you.

Welcome to wiki, though sorry you should find yourself here.

You are with people who have experienced what you are going through and there will be help, advice and support for you.

Your eldest is of an age where the courts would take his thoughts into account, Im not sure about the youngest but someone will be able to help you. Also as your husband is away two weeks out of four continuity of care will probably be a factor, again someone with more experience will be able to confirm this.

Please do not worry (hard I know). You are still only two months in, probably confused and upset, all your feelings are normal. As is the way your husband is behaving.

Small steps


  • ROLLERCOASTERRIDE's Avatar Posted by
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27 Jun 09 #127208 by ROLLERCOASTERRIDE
Thank you asram, i think i am still in the panic stages at the minute, my husband is making lots of threats, i am petrified of him coming any where near me, my solicitor is currently applying for a injunction order on him, he has now said that he is going to fight to get all of the house and leave me and the boys with nothing, i have never been in this situation before and dont really know where i stand financially.

  • NellNoRegrets
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27 Jun 09 #127272 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Your boys are the priority here. No court is going to allow them to be homeless.

I presume that your husband has been working away from home for a while now and that you have been the main carer of the children? Courts usually want to keep the status quo as it provides continuity and consistency for the children.

As for your house - is it in both your names? Your husband can threaten a lot of stuff, but the court will want to ensure that your children are adequately housed and as their primary carer you will be included in that.

It's scary but your solicitor will be able to advise and people on this site will help too.

For what its worth, your husband's behaviour is probably down to him feeling guilty for his affair and taking it out on you. A pathetic but common story.

You will find your local library has a lot of books on the financial, practical and emotional aspects of divorce and ways to help your children in this difficult time.

I am so sorry you are worrying over your parents too. Pop into our chat room to talk to people for instant support.

Nell x

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