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CAFCASS report due tomorrow

  • Forseti
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22 Oct 09 #156483 by Forseti
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Hi 54321. I'm terribly sorry to hear about the CAFCASS report, but not very surprised. I'm probably not the best person to give advice: I last saw my son when he was 8; at Christmas he will be 15 - I can hardly believe it, I still see him as he was at 8. All I can say is that you do cope, you live each day as it comes, and gradually it gets a bit better.

In answer to your question, yes, you have to attend, and you have to go on fighting for as long as you have a legal option. If you have a hearing booked that is your opportunity to challenge the report, cross examine the FCA (you must request they attend) and argue for contact. If the allegations are all false (they usually are) demand a finding of fact hearing; if there are no good reasons why contact should not happen, then say so, and make sure the judge is aware of that.

We all know (though some won't admit it) that the system is an Absolute atrocity, but it can be fought and you can win - you just have to persevere, at least until you run out of all options.

Good luck.

  • Butnotnow
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23 Oct 09 #156749 by Butnotnow
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Hi, just read this post and would like to add my bit. Just had 2nd directions hearing, saw Cafcass Lady before and she basically repeated all the old tired gender biased comments that have been widely reported on this site. I stood my ground but without getting upset or disrecpectful towards her. Was advised that if Judge asked her opinion she would recommend what she was suggesting I should do and it was likely the Judge would go with her advice. I respectfully advised that I appreciate her opinion but I have a different one and so do many others. Also Ex tried to accuse me of calling our D something 'negative' and she was worried it may harm her Emotional wellbeing (nice tactic) which I don't think actually helped her. I did not respond apart from denying it.

My advice is not to give up, keep calm regardless of what is said as they will try anything to get you off guard and become defensive. If the Judge is suggesting no contact then as an interim suggest supervised contact to allow you to build your relationship back, not ideal but much better than nothing and better than losing him for many a year.

All the very best and I hope things work out for you, do not give up ever but also look after yourself as your Son needs a strong Father to look after his wellbeing for now and the future.

  • heretohelp
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05 Nov 09 #159732 by heretohelp
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I have had many years experience of this awful system. I would like to briefly relay some very important points that should help you.
1. Remain calm at all times. Cafcass officers rely on you losing your cool to vindicate their terrible attitude.
2. Inform the Cafcass officers that you will lodge and vigorously pusue a complaint against them should they reccommend zero contact. You know the other side is lying, they just choose to believe it as they are institutionalised against you. Make sure you do this very calmly. Also say you will be able to prove this, and should they be mistaken you will pursue action against them. Do NOT be scared! This is your child you are fighting for. You will regret it afterwwards if you or your barrister do nothing.
3. your solicitor and barrister are inherently scared of 'rocking the boat' with either Cafcass or the judge. they will also dissuade you from making a complaint or saying you will make a complaint, as they think this could make it worse for you. DO NOT LISTEN to them!!! Tell them it is time they stood up to this bullying, and if not you will. Believe me you have NOTHING to lose. Always be calm, and record things if you can or offer to.
4. Always be calm, and explain that you are aware of their concerns of potential 'domestic violence' allegations or any other allegations that the other side may make, and assure them that there is no proof, and not only is there no proof, it si just not true. Thjis isassuming you are not a perpetrator of domestic violence.
5. Judges are rude and impatient by nature and have a very romantic notion of mothers. Try and get a female judge where possible, it will be much better for you.
6. If you are a calm level headed gentleman, who loves their children dearly and explains yourself well and is articulate, and will constructively destroy the other sides argument.... then be careful, the judge will probably not like you. This is a court and the truth and nice people are not welcome. The truth is a threat to their distorted perception of our lives. Being nice and articulate is a threat to the judge's status of ultimate power.
7. So what do you do? Women can scream shout, cry, be aggressive, rude or in fact do anything they want, and the male judge will see them as helpless individuals who care so much for their children that they are prepared to do anything to get whats best for their children, even if they are lying. Just imagine if a man acted like that, he would probably be arrested. Explain at the beginnning that you are extremely nervous of the family law court as you have heard so many bad things and are so unsure as to how to act. Act, out act your opponent. Explain you adore your children dearly and have received so many conflicting words of advice that you do not want to give the wrong impression to the court and would appreciate the judge's guidance. He will instantly see you as subservient which is exactly how he likes it in court. He goes to the dungeon afterwards to purge his power fuelled conscious.
8. Its all a game. A very high stakes game. Women always go further, even too far. This is a very highly charged and emotional experience. Keeping your head verges on impossible. Read some psychology books, look up sociopaths and how to deal with them.
9. If you are paying your barrrister or solicitor, remind them who is paying the bill. Do not be afraid of sacking them if you do not feel they are being strong enough, certainly in correspondence before the court hearings. The legal letters count for nothing in court, its all a myth, a con, for them to keep earning more money. Barrister want the judges to like them. the good barristers dont care and eventually become judges.
10. If you can avoid going to court, avoid it. throw everything at it beforehand. Be nice, be strong, be reasonable, if that doesnt work, be hard, direct and legally threatening, threaten to withdraw money. try everything to avoid court.... because it DOES NOT WORK and it will destroy you emotionally.If you cant go back to point 1. Good luck. remember high stakes... very high stakes. Dont accept anything less than you would expect from a£1000 per hour lawyer. Its not about the truth its about winning.

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