Help Urgent Advice Please.

To briefly summarise my position my wife of 18yrs left me and my two boy's (14 & 15)having met someone at work. All of this came "out of the blue" and was as you can imagine a total shock for us. My wife left the marital home to set-up shop with her new man and contact with my boy's has been very sparse at their request and they have continued to live with me.

I returned home this evening to find that my wife has served me an application under the Children Act 1989 for a residence, contact or other section 8 order. I also have a Notice of Proceedings Directions Appointment which is due to be heard on 26th November nd I have been asked to bring the boy’s along (in a school day). From what I can tell, she appears to be representing herself and some of the information contained in the submission is downright lies (she has stated that I was served with an harassment order - which I was not).

My boy's are adamant that they wish to live with me and for their education, stability and well-being that is the right course. I do have a very good lawyer but can someone put my mind at rest - am I about to lose the boy's?
Brunswick

As you can imagine this is a turn of events I did not expect, but given the boy’s have so pushed back on contact it should not surprise me. Obviously, I would like to fully understand the implications of this move on her part and I fully intend to defend my position and that of the boy’s.

Look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Brunswick.

Hi Brunswick,

Your boys are more than old enough to make their own minds up over where they live so in that respect I wouldn't worry at all. From what you have posted previously it is also likely that they will say they don't want the contact that their mother is now seeking either so she could be on to a lose:lose with this application.

Of course in the ideal world your boys wouldn't have to go into Court regarding this matter but given their ages it may be that this latest development could be laid to rest quickly if they were available at Court to speak with Cafcass/Judge/Magistrate. (Totally with you that children really shouldn't have to go through this but hey thats out of your hands really as it is mother who has instigated the need for attendance).

No Court is going to order 14 and 15 year old boys to do anything they are not happy about so try and take comfort and stay strong.

I was hoping that is what might come back. Obviously, I am going to defend my position and that of the boy's.

Why-oh-why do they think that they can just walk out on their loved ones and continue as if nothing has happened. I do feel she is in for a rude awakening. The boy's are so stable with me at the marital home and their education, well-being and all-round manner is in good shape.

Any idea as to what happens at the first hearing?
Brunswick.

From my experience,the court will want to know what the children want.Your best position is that you offer stability to your children and that you are not denying the mother "contact" with the children.Just state your case in court,keep to the facts,and stay calm.
Best of luck SG

With regard to the alleged harrassment warning/order against you. Put a request in to the police for written confirmation that one has not been given but do this sooner rather than later as it will take time to come through. Make sure you chase it up with them as it might otherwise get lost in backlogs etc.

This will then shoot down that claim for what it is.

What the courts will want to be clear on is that it's the boys own wishes that they aren't seeing their mother or have little contact with her rather than any interference from you or loyalty to you.

In my case my ex had a residence order but our son still walked out and came to live with me. The court supported his decision and cancelled all residency orders stating that our 14 year old had voted with his feet and would not be made to reside anywhere he did not wish. The same was also stated for our 14 year old daughter who chose to live with her mother and the contact order was also voided and our daughter has been given the right to choose for herself.

T

If you intend to take the boys with you Brunswick and a Cafcass reporter is in the Court building (they are like gold dust some days !!) then if they speak with the boys and they make it clear their wishes and feelings are to remain with you and see mum when THEY want to then it could be dealt with fairly quickly. Understand that taking the boys with you when mum is going to be there too could be very uncomfortable for them (and you. How do the boys feel about talking to their mum about her application ? In fact how do you feel about a round table discussion you, her and the boys ?

That said if outrageous allegations have been made by her in her application then the Court has a duty to investigate (regardless of whether they are based on fact I am afraid) and the hearing is likely to be adjourned to a further hearing once Cafcass have prepared a report. Now Cafcass are working on a minimum safe level at the moment until March 2010 so if there are no urgent welfare or needs issues then don't hold your breath of getting anywhere fast.

Agree with nbm you need to get in touch with the Police asap with regard the alleged harrassment warning/order although Brunswick Police are able to record "verbal" harrassment warnings in fact it is my understanding that a "verbal" warning has to be given before a formal harrassment notice can be issued but don't hold me to that as I'm not a Police Officer lol. (Just from what I was told by a Police Officer who gave a verbal harrassment warning to my partner's ex).

I'm sorry to read this. As if she hasn't put you all through enough.

My children are much younger but we're going through much the same. Your sons with find the CAFCASS staff perfectly 'normal' and 'reasonable', remembering this is what they do for a living and are seeing cases like yours day in, day out. Like the others have said, I think you will find this is dealt with fairly quickly, given that your boys are old enough to say what they want. The one word of warning you might want to give them is to ask them to think about how they're going to feel when they see their mum in court - I suspect it is 'easy' to be angry with her and not want to be with her when they don't have her in front of them but it will probably prove harder on the day. Prepare yourself for tears and upset, confusion, anger - all of which may well display itself all at the same time. Prepare yourself aswell to perhaps hear things coming from the boys that they haven't said to you up to now.

With my ever, ever so cynical head on ('cos with my stbx you need it!) can you be sure that your wife hasn't started these proceedings as a result of speaking with either or both boys? I know you have done your best to facilitate contact rather than stop it, that's very clear from your posts. I just wonder if a confused and angry teenager has given your wife a different message, for the sake of an easy life ('I do want to see you mum but dad's so angry he won't let me')?

It might be nice to do something special after court - go to the cinema, out for lunch/dinner, bowling, but don't mention this prior to the hearing or you might open yourself up to accusations of 'bribing' them to get them to say what you want them to!

Good luck with it all. Let us know how you get on.