Court! Oh joy!

Hi all

I seperated from children's dad 4 years ago, house, maintenance and access was all agreed amicably. Ex saw the boys for 10 months no problems at all, then started to cancel then he stopped vists. Was still paying. Few months later he started seeing the boys again, all was ok, same thing he stopped again, few months later started...3 times he did this last time he saw boys was July 08! Sept 08 he stopped the maintenance so I went to CSA, finally got 2 payments Jan & Feb 09. Whilst the CSA claim was going through I received threatening texts, he also threatened to commit suicide, sent CSA and me very violent letters, I called the police he was cautioned. He then gave up his job and moved up north to his family. I then received a lettr in May from a solicitor that he wants to see the boys and have them for a weekend! I ignored the letter hoping he would go away but he hasn't, I feel pressure from his family is behind the solicitors letter. Then I received a Court date, he is applying for PR (we were not married and boys born before 2003) wants contact with them 2 weekends per month. I also changed the boys surname to mine 3 years ago. So he is now ordering that it is changed back.

So he is now unemployed living with his family up north and hasnt seen the boys for nearly 18months and I receive no maintenance!

I have copies of the abusive texts and letters he sent me, also emails and various other documentation, showing that I have always tryed to get him to see the boys and been more than amicable.

My questions are:- Can he get the boys surname changed back to his? it was all done legally by Deed Poll and my youngest son only knows my name eg through school.

PR, can I refuse PR? he has not shown commitment to the boys at all, can I suggest to compromise and say that if he sees the boys regularly for 12 months then I will not refuse it?

Contact, I really am not happy about his mental state as the abusive letters and texts were quite graffic, mentioning buying suits for the boys for his funeral and hunting for his corpse and enjoying my place while I still can as in 24 hours I would not be able too! Any many more worse ones! Can I ask for supervised visits at a centre or something as I really do not trust him. He would also need to build up a bond with the boys again as he hasn't seen them for so long.

Sorry this is a long thread, I'm totally new to the court process and haven't a clue what to expect or where I stand and more importantly the boys stand in all of this.

Any help/advice greatly appreiciated, thanks.

How old?

The boys are 10 in a months time and just turned 7.

Hi, I have in the past always encouraged him to see the boys, was always me texting and calling to arrange contact. In the 4 years since we have split he has stopped and started seeing the boys 3 times. I very casually asked the boys a few days ago, if dad wanted to see you, how would you feel? thats all i asked i didnt say anything else... the youngest just said NOoooooo and turned and walked off, so i took that as he didn't want to talk about it further which i didn't. The eldest stood there for a min and said, well mum, dad hasnt seen us for a long time and before when he did he didn't stick around so nah mum i don't want to see him we are fine as we are arn't we are the 3 muskateers! That is my eldests nick name for us.

In the past i just wanted him to maintain regular contact with the boys, something he has never been able to do, then last year i had all the threats etc I really do think he is unstable he was violent in the realtionship years ago and my eldest saw some it, he was only 4 or 5 at the time.

I don't want this whole thing to get messy and become a slanging match as it were, but I so fed up of it all now! I do really think he is unstable though, I feel this isn't about the boys it's just to make my life hell.

I have court next week and am getting into a state with it all. I just had a call today aswell from the appeals unit at the csa he is asking for a variation calculation to be done on his initial asessment, I have no idea what that is so did'nt agree to anything and asked the csa lady to put it in writing to me.

The last 18 months me and the boys have been settled and happy and now this after 4 years! :0(