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court hearing next week

  • ands
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04 Nov 09 #159605 by ands
Topic started by ands
split from ex 4yrs ago, i have an 8yr old daughter. the ex has had contact in that time where my daughter use to stay at his mothers.
in the last year contact has stopped as my daughter was being taken to unreasonable places. during this time my ex has started a relationship, and now suddenly wants daughter for overnight stays all weekend.
my daughter is very upset and doesnt want to stay over with him but does want contact with him for a day over the weekend.
cafcass are involved and i can honestly say, what is being said is a pack of lies.
i have been told by him that he will win and take my daughter away, they are very persuasive people and i feel ive already lost before ive started.
the CAFCASS have interviewed my daughter and she has said she wont sleep there but ive been told im poisioning her mind which im not.
cafcass have suggested every other weekend for over night stay, any idea what judge will say.....

  • TBagpuss
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05 Nov 09 #159801 by TBagpuss
Reply from TBagpuss
Is your daughter currently having (non-overnight) contact?

If not, it would be reasonable to suggest that some visiting contact was set up with a view to reviewing it to mocve on to over night staying contact after a short period, once the contact hd been re-established.

If yourdaughter is already having visting contact then a court may take the view that your daughter's reluctance stems from her knowing (whether you have said anything explcit to her or not) that you are not comfortable with over night contact -It's not uncommon for a court to make an order for sontact to take place on a 'suck it and see' basis.

It may be that you could ask that any over night stays be introdced gradually - e.g. start by having visting contact, then maybe visits both on a Sat & Sun but coming back to you to sleep, then overnight but perhaops with the first time she could return on the Sunday morning, rather than styaing Sat a.m. to Sun p.m., and for there to be a review at an early stage so that the court can keep an eye on what is happening.

Do you have any reason other than your daughters comments, and the fact that your ex was unreliable in the past, to feel staying contact shouldn't happen? What reason does your daughter give for not wanting to go?

Obviously I don't know you or your daughter but it is likely that she has picked up on your feelings (children are a lot more perceptive than they are given credit for!) and this may be part of the reason she doesn't want to go, becasue she is worried about you being uopset or that you might be cross if she says she'd like to try it. (I'm not suggesting that you have told her to say she doesn't want to go, or that her dad is a bad person, but that she is likely to have picked up on how you feel)

If you are able to encourage your daughter to try the overnight stays then she may be much more willing to give it a go, and she might even enjoy it.

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