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Advice Please - Conciliation Appointment.

  • Brunswick
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16 Nov 09 #162420 by Brunswick
Topic started by Brunswick
Afternoon All,

My stbx has summoned me and my two boys to a court hearing next week. My understanding is that the first hearing is what is known as a "conciliation appointment" and the purpose of the hearing is to try and see whether we can reach an agreement and, if so, whether her application can be compromised. She is representing herself.

My stbx has asked the court to either make a residence order in her favour or alternatively a defined contact order. My understanding is that the court can no longer make an order for "custody" as nowadays this is known as a residence order.

My two boys (14 & 15) want to live with me at the marital home and only want minimal contact. Their Mum left us at Xmas last year after 18yrs and now lives close by with her new partner who the boys have no desire to meet.

Does anyone have experience of a conciliation appointment, as I also understand practices differ from court to court and from judge to judge?

I would appreciate any advice.

  • mumtoboys
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16 Nov 09 #162427 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
Brunswick, at my appointment we discussed thing with the judge with the support of solicitors and then were told to go and speak to the CAFCASS officer. My stbx was in tehre for 20 mintues and she had pages of notes. I was in there for 5 and she wrote about 3 words! She just asked what I wanted, clarified my view of a few points he had made and that was it! Presumably she asked him more as I had accused him of leaving the children with a minor, of having our children call his girlfriend 'mummy' etc. Our children are young (5 and under) so their views were not taken into account. Judge saw we were not going to agree and a report was ordered.

I suspect in your case, your boys views will be taken into account and things will pretty much end there and then. It is not 'scary' in the least (I think you posted before that your children will be attending?) , nothing like the huge courts with people all over the place that you see on TV. Very friendly and in my case, a very approachable judge. Hope that helps.

  • rasher
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16 Nov 09 #162476 by rasher
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Hi Brunswick

Do you think theres any chance, when the dust settles and all the practicalities are sorted - the boys would be willing to see more of their mum??

I cannot see that she has a prayer of getting a residence order in her favour I can only imagine shes going in high in the hope she can negotiate down. However given your lads ages even defined contact is a bit of a mad one - unless shes going to say you actively frustrate contact and she wants the court to order you to bring the boys to her.

When children reject a parent its hard for that parent to accept their child can dislike them for what they have done. So in their mind it has to be someone else thats caused that stance.

I would imagine a great deal of weight will be put by what your boys are saying as in truth they are just too old to be forced to do anything they dont want to. She must be feeling pretty desparate to go down this route and maybe shes hoping it will force some sort of response. Maybe she needs to feel that whatever happens, she can say to the boys - I tried. I hope it goes OK for you all.


  • Brunswick
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16 Nov 09 #162494 by Brunswick
Reply from Brunswick
Rasher- you are spot with your comments. I find it hard to understand why she is doing this but I can she is thinking along the lines of "at least I tried".
My boys are just too old and too grown up to be told or marched to somewhere they do not want to be.
I was hoping she would see sense but I will let the boys speak up for themselves but I do intend to make references to their schooling and the importance of not upsetting their routine.
Thanks for your valued and insighful comments.

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