Losing sight of what is 'reasonable' - help!

Does this list apply for anyone with PR, irrespective of whether they have shared residence?

The judge today told me that I have PR so I have equality in the eyes of the law, and therefore they do do not see any reason for me to apply for shared residency in order to confirm that equality. That is even though my ex does not acknowledge my PR in practice.



nbm1708 wrote:

Ok, if you want me to be honest when you're putting together your list of what you want you need to think carefully about whats realistic and you'll be supported in (with CAFCASS and the court) and whats not.

To help you get an idea start off by going down the list below and then work from there about what else needs looking at:

Schedule of items in relation to the exercise of parental responsibility, identifying those items which require mutual consultation and those which could be exercised unilaterally. A copy of this useful document was attached as a footnote to the judgment A v A [2004] EWHC 142 (FAM).


Decisions that could be taken independently and without any consultation or notification to the other parent.

* How the children are to spend their time during contact

* Personal care for the children

* Activities undertaken

* Religious and spiritual pursuits

* Continuance of medicine treatment prescribed by GP

Decisions where one parent would always need to inform the other parent of the decision, but did not need to consult or take the other parent's views into account.

o Medical Treatment in an emergency

o Booking holidays or to take the children abroad in contact time

o Planned visits to the GP and the reasons for this

Decisions that you would need to both inform and consult the other parent prior to making the decision.

* Schools the children are to attend, including admissions applications.

* Contact rotas in school holidays

* Planned medical and dental treatment

* Stopping medication prescribed for the children

* Attendance at school functions so they can be planned to avoid meetings wherever possible

* Age that children should be able to watch videos. ie videos recommended for children over 12 and 18.

It relates to anyone with parental responsibility and a contact order. So yes it does apply to you.

If it helps you're not on your own with a ex who doesn't acknowledge it. Mine doesn't either.

T

I am now so glad that the judge at least granted a contact order yesterday. Perhaps something good did come out of the whole horrible process. Thank you for that.

Do you mind me asking how you are approaching the issue of getting your ex to recognise your PR? I am wondering whether the I should send this reference to the solicitor my ex and ask that they finally consider looking at the parenting plan that I have been asking for since May 2009.

I'm concious that this is a thread started by someone else, should I be carrying on this discussion in another thread?

nbm - yes, I agree, there's a fine line between having information and trying to control waht the children do. Believe me, that's not what I'm looking to do. He is capable of parenting them, just as I am, that I do know. But the complete shut down of information is what bothers me and leaves me wondering just what is going on - our eldest tells me enough to give me concerns and that's without prompting and I do know he's not beyond telling the children to keep secrets from me or not tell me something because it will upset me. the only thing that upsets me is not knowing where the hell the children are!

Thanks for the help - I have some perspective on it now and know where to focus - there is an issue but perhaps not as big as I would like to make it!

MissingMySon2009 wrote:

Do you mind me asking how you are approaching the issue of getting your ex to recognise your PR? I am wondering whether the I should send this reference to the solicitor my ex and ask that they finally consider looking at the parenting plan that I have been asking for since May 2009.

I'm concious that this is a thread started by someone else, should I be carrying on this discussion in another thread?

MMS2009 - yes. Start up a new thread with any questions you have etc.

T

mumtoboys wrote:

He is capable of parenting them, just as I am, that I do know. But the complete shut down of information is what bothers me and leaves me wondering just what is going on - our eldest tells me enough to give me concerns and that's without prompting and I do know he's not beyond telling the children to keep secrets from me or not tell me something because it will upset me. the only thing that upsets me is not knowing where the hell the children are!

Ok, as someone who's been through this process I will tell you that being the NRP and having everyone and everything crawl over all of your life trying to find fault a reason as to why you should not beable to look after a child (or in my case 3) which you were perfectly all right to do prior to the split is stressful beyond belief. More so than the PWC has it as they're already seen as being perfectly acceptable.

So yes there will be things that he doesn't want to get back to you because he will be worried they'll be blown out of proportion. Particularly as you've both got the financials side ongoing too and that is equally as complicated.

What you have to believe and remember is that he is capable enough and the children will be fine.

All this about not knowing every minute of every day will pass and once everything settles down the children will be back to telling you everything.

You also have to remember that at the moment they will also have picked up on the vibe that when they tell you things which involve daddy etc that you're not happy so they won't want to put you through that. They also don't have the mental capacity to differenciate between whats important to a child and whats important to an adult. Sometimes it will be because they think it's not important. Think of yourself as a child, was everything important enough for you to tell your parents?

I've had two years almost and 9 court appearences and I can definately say that it does calm down and the information flowing between both households does change and both camps will each parent well just differently.

T