Ex has told the truth on tape - What next?

My ex rang last night and I recorded the 45 minute call without her knowledge. I did this to protect myself as in the past my ex called me only to later make allegations.

During the call she admitted that she has lied during the financial negotiations and also admitted that my soon is having emotional problems.

The contatc for the call: I am LiP and she is using a solicitor. We had first Directions this week and, as I expected, she is starting to realise that I am not going to walk away from our son and it is going to cost her a fortune to keep fighting me.

So she asked me to negotiate with her directly so that she can reduce her costs. I said that is okay in theory but she I have concerns as to date she has been less than honest via her solicitor.

She then admitted that she has lied about returning to the house to remove property and went into some detail about what she took.

More importantly she admitted that our son is having emotional problems. Via solicitors and in mediation she always asserts that he is doig very well and only gets upset during contact becuase I do not knwo hwo to interact with him. Lat night she admitted that he becomes terrified whenever approached by a man and she can not take him anywhere new without him becoming terribly upset and clingy. She also warned me that no matter what I do at contact next month he will be upset when she tries to leave him and try to run out of the contact centre. I first observed this behaviour at the third contact session in August but she will asserts that he became like this only after the fourth contact session, as a direct result of my inability to interact with him.

What do I do to help my son? Do I report what my wife has now admitted? My wife has warned me that my son will become terrified when she tries to leave him at the handover and has asked me to perservere - However when he became terrified during previous handovers she used it to justify ending all contact. I do not trust my ex.

First of all the financials and children are two very seperate things. Whilst the tape shows irregularities with the financials are they really important enough to rock the boat?

With regard to your son and his emotional problems i'm doubtful that what you've described in discussion actually helps your case. In fact if anything it may damage it because to me it shows that your son is upset and stressed and needs a period of non disruptive time in his life.

Your ex is and in all probability will remain for the foreseeable future his main carer therefore the only changeable aspect is you.

The contact centre and CAFCASS will want to view how your son interacts with you, as i've said to you before. If you do not allow a period whereby he can fall into a natural routine (being clingy with his mum will be expected initially in view of his age and that you're a relative stranger) you will fail to get contact time increased as his emotional upset will be laid at your door not your ex's. He needs to build up his knowledge of you and become settled which obviously will not happen if you go in and keep trying to change things.

After a reasonable period of normality you can then look at increasing contact time as hopefully your son will come accross as interacting with you in a settled manner to the necessary agencies.

T

Of course your other option is to enter into a private agreement between you both which may or may not be reneged on in the future.

At which point you'll then be able to start the process again and have contact set down legally.

T