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Is what i ask reasonable? Will i get fair trial?

  • Unhappydad69
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25 Jan 10 #179767 by Unhappydad69
Topic started by Unhappydad69
A brief run down of my situation, and hows things have gone.

Split from ex almost 4 years ago (when daughter was 17 months) she kept house, i moved out.

My initial contact every monday 3-7pm- (my job allows me to do the hours i mention in this post)

Mutual change to every tuesday 1.30 - 7pm

Suggested adding every 2nd weekend sat 1.30pm (with overnight stay) til sun 4pm

Went thro 3 x 2nd weekends, then ex said daughter was "unsettled" and stopped w/e. Myself and partner had seen no indications of this at all. So back to tuesday only.

18 months later- repeat above scenario exactly, sighting same reasons.

Daughter due to start school in few months so suggest w/e contact restarts (in addition to tuesday which will become 3-7 and collect from school when starts)

Ex says tuesdays will now stop, and w/e replaces this. So from weekly contact i now go to every 2nd w/e which i feel is a long time, the 3-7 on tuesday is just enough time to keep in touch, and the quality time can be spent on w/e.

Inform Ex i am unhappy with this and here we are at court.

I have a solicitor. Asking for: Every tuesday 3-7
2nd weekend sat 1.30pm-sun 4pm
2 weeks during school hols (1 during summer, other to be decided)

Ex will do anything not to lose face over this (not actually acting in my daughters best interests!) and has fabricated stories like telling me my daughter (at 5 years old!) is going to have counselling for anxiety- i asked who made this recommendation, and who will be seeing? Both questions were ignored, so i made an appointment with g.p who confirmed this was a lie. She has also informed me she will have the services of a barrister at court.

Is what i ask reasonable? Will i get fair trial?

  • Fiona
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25 Jan 10 #179787 by Fiona
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What you ask for isn't unreasonable and perhaps a good staring point but at your daughter's age less frequent contact with fewer handovers for longer periods can be more settled. Would gradually increasing the time over alternate weekends say to include a Friday and/or Monday night work?

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25 Jan 10 #179841 by Unhappydad69
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Unfortunately i have to work 5 out of 6 saturdays, so it is not practical as i would have to rely on someone to look after my daughter for this time.

This is why i am asking for the tuesday as it gives me the weekly contact even for a few hours, and gives me a vital link with school- instead of having to keep calling in on the off chance etc.

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29 Jan 10 #180967 by Unhappydad69
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Happy with way things went today.

I have retained my 2nd weekend contact, and for the time being obtained every 2nd tuesday contact 3-6.

I believe in the interim CAFCASS will speak with my daughter, and complete a wishes report- hopefully in a neutral environment.

2nd hearing in around 6 weeks time where hopefully i will obtain every tuesday, and holidays and xmas will be decided.

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11 Mar 10 #191390 by Unhappydad69
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Update...

I have been back to court for 2nd hearing and please to say I have now obtained every tuesday, every 2nd weekend, and 2 x 1 week during school holidays. Xmas is still a slight stumbling block but communication between myself and ex is now much better.

I think the penny has dropped that my whole focus is to be involved and do my best for my daughter, NOT to get one over on her. lets hope things continue...

Have to go back for a 3rd hearing as the standard police report has not been returned to the court and so an order cannot be made, but if a solution to xmas contact is not agreed upon in the meantime it will be decided then.

Signed Notquitesounhappydad69 :-)

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11 Mar 10 #191427 by zonked
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Excellent result! Well done, gives me heart to read the success stories.

  • LouCheshire
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11 Mar 10 #191429 by LouCheshire
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My ex (who left me) and his wife are both vile to me and yet I agree to every other weekend (Fri 3pm - Sunday 5pm) and half of school hols..he chose to move 3 hours away from his kids to be with new skirt and so cant help me out term time so I have a child minder...he does, though, cancel contact in favour of his new family doing things (had kid very quickly with new woman) which I find unacceptable and this is driving our 6 year old daughter away from him. He wont listen though and daughter will realise on her own what her father and step mother actually are.
We have never had to go to court about contact...I have always agreed. What upsets me though is that he can cancel at a minutes notice..can you imagine if I were to say "I cant have the kids this weekend, my bf and one of my other kids have colds and I need to look after them"...my god, he'd have social services and CAFCASS on my case in minutes!
Cant understand parents who use kids as weapons..they are not possessions or prizes.
Lou x

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