No more money

Unfortunately I have had to make the difficult choice of stopping my solicitor representing me in my case to have contact with my daughter.

My case has been on-going since December '08, and has made zero progress since then. I got myself a solicitor September '09 after ex's new boyfriend threatened me. Even since then, no progress has been made what-so-ever. Outstanding bill currently stands at around 3k, with 1k on hold to pay for my barrister. I pay my sol £50 a week through standing order, and this is not even scratching the surface of the mounting bills. I have been missing payments on loan/cc etc to keep my solicitor, but it has come to the awful position now where they will be sending my details to debt collection agencies and well, we all know where that can lead.

To say I feel bitter and angry at the system is an understatement. I was supposed to have a finding of fact hearing beginning of january, but was called off because of the snow. It has now been re-scheduled until July. Because of my financial situation, CAFCASS said they would fund a few sessions at a contact centre for me. Solicitor has been waiting since early December for them to send through the paperwork to the contact centre, and my solicitor has just found out the cafcass officer dealing with this is on sick leave, and nobody has taken over his work.

Each time I go to court, contact is offered at 4 hours per week, but then is stopped within a week because of my 'attitude' during the handover of my daughter - i have had no contact now since October.

Of course ex gets full legal aid, so has no issue with dragging this on for as long as she wants. My daughter is 16 months old, and my total time spent with her cannot total more than 1 month. I have no bond, she doesn't know me, and attends nursery full time - which of course, I did not know about, and had no say. I do not know if my daughter is healthy, if she is ill, has been ill, if she's had all her jabs. I know nothing. Is she speaking? Is she walking? Does she call ex's new boyfriend daddy?

I am sure there are many people out there who have it much much worse than I. But the system which is supposed to be pro children is an Absolute joke. Everyone from the cafcass officer, to the judge are a total waste of space, and seem more concerned with my facebook profile than the real problem.

Poor you...I am in / have been in the same situation.
I had to get a solicitor to see if I could salvage something from a 10 year relationship with my ex who I wasnt married to.
I came out of it with nothing except an £11,000 legal bill...£8000 wiped out my parents savings and I still owe £3000 with nothing to pay them with..I earn a pittance and with 5 children and no child support I cant even make an offer as we live from hand to mouth.
Ex (weathy businessman) turned up at court with 2 solicitors and a barrister.
I lost my childrens and my home because the judge ordered it sold, my car (it belonged to my ex's business) and my whole lifestyle. I live in a rented house now with my kids while my "home" is rented out (ex didnt sell it but put tenants in!)..I have no money and no life while my ex flounces around having bought another 6 bed house, has holidays all the time and new cars.
My solicitor made me do a form E which I was told afterwards was for married couples only. They also promised me that the least I would get would be a lump sum and car...and I got nothing.
When I sat in the room after the last court hearing my solicitor said "well we knew your case was weak" and I screamed "what? you didnt tell me it was weak"..I had 2 friends in there with me who were equally as shocked.
I dont know which way to turn either.
Lou x

krth

Am sorry to read of your difficulties.

You know, I was in the same position - fighting for contact, couldn't afford solicitors.

What worked for me was contacting families need fathers, getting some support and advice, then representing myself.

Why not google fnf, you've fought too hard to give up now.

thanks for your replies zonked and lou. I was thinking that it may be best if I stop fighting her allegations of domestic violence, then at least I can draw a line under that, and the only thing left to fight over is how much contact I will get. I am already having to go to a contact centre (when CAFCASS pull their finger out), even though we have yet to attend a finding of fact hearing in regards to her allegations. I feel like I have already been tarnished as being "guilty", so why fight it?

krth,

You are so not alone with this growing phenomena of henious parenting...those that are genuine victims are drowning with the growing number of parents making false allegations and clogging up the systems that are overstretched and ineffectual in many ways anyway...and once it happens to you its a constant battle with insane procedures, mounting emotional and financial costs and amazingly people question your conduct whilst the bitter twisted parent seems to reap all the support...what strikes me is the lack of allegations prior to separation...I guess it is rather unbelievable until you have experienced it...it is bloody life and soul destroying and a hell of a battle for fathers...I defended the allegations against me...yes was probably easier in that there were people aware of his conduct towards me and his allegations are reknowned within the legal profession as fabrication...before you throw the towel in, I believe you should consider the impacts of accepting the allegations...I respect it will be a long hard battle...but you have come this far. Whatever your decision, I wish you well.

E

krth

No one but you can make the decision; your only human and as such can only take so much. I would say though that from my own personal and painful experience I do know that if you stick with things, there are better days ahead.

At the moment you are being asked to jump through hoops to see your dtr are being treated like a virtual criminal. I can relate to that. My parenting of my dtr at age 2 consisted of 2-4 hours, a month, in a contact center. Whatever anger, pain, and sense of loss I had was completely ignored by a system that seemed to find me as a father an inconvenient nuisance.

But I stuck with and you know what, eventually they run out of hurdles. Eventually, you become the parent that you would wish to be.

I urge you to reflect on things. Why not talk to other fathers (fnf), gather your strength and stay the course. You won't regret it.