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Contact, whereabouts and name change

  • SAMIAM's Avatar Posted by
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11 Feb 10 #184525 by SAMIAM
Topic started by SAMIAM
Hi, advice needed.
I got divorced 7 years ago and my ex-wife has refused to give me the address, phone etc for where my children live. Hence I have not seen them and only have sporadic email contact. Also, she has changed thier names to her Maiden Name, they are enrolled in school etc under this name, I never have been asked for nor given permission for this, how can this happen?
I believe i can go to court and get all this sorted out, I can't afford a solicitor but understand it is a relatively easy process.
On another matter, I pay child support but everytime there is arrears she registers a CCJ against me. I try to make up the shortfall with extra payments, but it appears this is not good enough. I don't want to go down the CSA route, but maybe I should.


  • tom333
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11 Feb 10 #184542 by tom333
Reply from tom333
Hi Sam,
If I'm reading your post right then you haven't seen your kids in 7yrs?
Why didn't you go to the courts a long time ago?
If this is the case then for you I think it won't be a "relatively easy process".
Seven years is a hell of a long time mate, your kids will be little more than strangers to you.
I think you'll need as much legal help as you can get.
You can save costs by starting the process off yourself and issuing your own corrospondence etc:
But you will need a very good Barrister to argue your case when it comes in front of a judge.

With regards the child support payments,Maybe it would be better to go through CSA as they would be more merciful if you miss payments due to hardship.
Good luck.

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11 Feb 10 #184548 by SAMIAM
Reply from SAMIAM

The reason I haven't seen them is she refuses to tell me where they are. Also, my work put me in the USA for quite a while and it was near impossible to get any information, the time I did take it to court cost me a fortune and I still lost, I could not attend and I had a dopey solicitor.
So I just pay, get nothing and wait for the next vindictive email??

  • theboysmum
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11 Feb 10 #184559 by theboysmum
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Hi sam,

I think the problem is that if you havent seen you DC in 7 years, its not just a simple matter of suddenly starting to see. They will be little people who dont know you and who you dont know, and they might well be extremely resistant to actually meeting you.

How old are your DC now? When did you last see / speak to them? Are you in a position to maintain regular contact with them now? Why did you get no access last time you went to court?


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11 Feb 10 #184609 by SAMIAM
Reply from SAMIAM

I think everyone here is misunderstanding my intent.
7 years is a long time and the poison chalice has been long drunk from, I am not expecting to see my children again.
The point being, I manage to follow my childrens progress via internet etc and I pay my child support. I am just sick of being taken for a mug and want to set the record straight.
Maybe one day my children will want contact, what if something were to happen to the mother, how am I supposed to know if all avenues are closed. Hence my reason for wanting the advice. I can't even send them birthday/Xmas gifts, yet she will send me a nasty email every year telling me how bad I am for not doing so.

  • Fiona
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11 Feb 10 #184636 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
I'm not entirely clear if you are now living in the UK or what support you are looking for. It is possible to apply to court, find a way of communicating with the children, re-establish contact and deal with the issue of changing names should you wish. If money is an issue you can represent yourself.

With regard to child maintenance the courts rather than the CSA have jurisdiction where there is an order pre-dating March 2003 or if you live abroad.

  • Forseti
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11 Feb 10 #184652 by Forseti
Reply from Forseti
I'm not quite sure what it is you want the courts to do for you, Sam, but it might help you to look at the case of Cannon v Cannon ([2004] EWCA Civ 1330 [2005] 1 FLR 169).

This involved the American comedian/actor/producer/director/writer Josef Cannon who was eventually reunited with his daughter Shelby after her mother had abducted her and changed her name and entire identity. Josef is often willing to help other fathers.

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