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report myself to social services?

  • fluffy76
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14 Mar 10 #191773 by fluffy76
Topic started by fluffy76
I spoke to my stbx last night who told me that my 8 year old daughter wrote me a note as his house 6 weeks ago and it was the standard love card she always makes me but she apparently wrote 'please don't overdose'.

I never saw the note but he has photocopied it and is applying for a defined contact order this week.

We have been separated for 2 years and I live in FMH, don't ever drink,smoke or go out. I do not have any family or a new partner. I was shocked and horrified but what he said she has written.

What should I do?
Should I report it to social services so they can investigate? Should I see the GP so he can refer her for some play therapy?
I wasn't aware that she had any problems at all. She is top of the class, well behaved, eats/sleeps well. I have been up all night wondering what to do.I don't mind my stbx taking me to court. Parenting is one thing I am actually good at(or at least I thought I was), my only worry is that there is something wrong with her and I have missed it.
Any advice/help?

  • sexysadie
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14 Mar 10 #191798 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Start by taking a deep breath and trying not to panic.

Why don't you ask your daughter what it was about. Say that her dad spoke to you about it as he was a bit worried. She may have just seen something on television or had a conversation with another child. She may not even have meant it seriously. Or she might be worried about you and then you can reassure her.

Defined contact could be helpful for you both (it means that you know where you are) but I wouldn't fancy your ex's chances of demonstrating that you are an unfit mother on the basis of one card.

Best wishes,

  • bugsy7
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14 Mar 10 #191807 by bugsy7
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As you've said yourself, you have been separated for two years, your child is doing well at school, sleeps and behaves well. I agree a defined contact may be useful so both parents and the child know where they stand, but at the same time, if your child has adapted well in the last two years and is used to the current arrangements (whatever they may be) surely that will be taken into consideration? Why did it take the father 6 weeks to mention what he say? If he was that concerned about his daughters well being shouldn't he have mentioned it earlier?

I have been in a similar situation as you recently, ie: father saying I have caused damage to our child which I knew nothing about. Yes, it broke my heart at the time that he was lying and bringing this down to an even lower level and I did consider self reporting to Social Services as like you, I have nothing to hide and think I am a good parent. If it helps, SS have reported that they have seen an influx in recent years of divorcing parents making allegations to try to use against the other parent in contact agreements. I decided not to in the end, but if it happens again then I will probably self report, if nothing more than to stop him threatening to do it. Hope my message helps you. Chin up x

  • tom333
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14 Mar 10 #191824 by tom333
Reply from tom333
I warn you now to think long and hard before contacting Social services.
These people are in my opinion the worst type of liars and sneaks that you could possibly meet.
Our prisons are full of people more honest than those employed by SS.
Every single day we read how they have failed children and parents in this country.
Even the few honest ones have their hands tied by bent managers.

Here's a typical scenario,
You phone them and they make an appointment.
You attend their offices and are interviewed by a "very understanding" SW who assures you that they are on your side while taking notes as you speak.
Then you see a copy of the report based on the notes taken at the interview and according to them you're a raving lunatic who needs to be supervised when with your children.

There will be additions made to the statement you made which will shock you.
Your ex who most likely coaxed the child to make that statement is fully supported by SS and your daughter put on a child protection programme.

There are literally thousands of parents unjustly losing their children because of these liars who care only about meeting government targets which will justify bigger budgets for their departments
meaning more bonuses and overtime for them.
I would advise anyone thinking of approaching them to do their research first.
In my honest opinion these people are as dangerous a threat to our children as the peadophiles, abusers, and murderers who they assist by failing to carry out basic checks and visits.

  • Sunnychick
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22 Mar 10 #193540 by Sunnychick
Reply from Sunnychick
I wanted to contact Social Services as my STBX keeps threatening with them. Spoke to the head teacher and she said stay away as far as possible. They may think no smoke without fire.

My first thing would be to check that that is what she meant and where she got the idea from.

My 7 year old suggested we get a hooker for Christmas... turned out he meant a tow bar for the car.

You might have said something innocently- I said "I'm going to shoot myself if this washing machine leaks again!" and my son asked where I would get the gun. Maybe her dad suggested to her that Mummy might overdose one day.

Ask the school- I ve found the teachers at both my primary and sec schools to be very helpful. [img]

  • nbm1708
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22 Mar 10 #193550 by nbm1708
Reply from nbm1708
On a similar note to the previous poster:

Have you ever said anything about overdosing on a favourite food such as chocolate? sugar? tea? turkey? particularly at christmas when we all do it, something of that ilk which because of the way it's been said by the child has been jumped on in the wrong way?


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