first cafcass hearing outcome good and bad news

I went to court and saw my younger son 11 sitting in a corner with his head down he went with his dad and aunty. when he saw me I waved at him and he did not respond back.He looked very tense My two children 15 year old girl who turns 16 mext month went with me and son 11 who turns 12 next month were interviewed. I was and x2b was too. When we went in court the CAFCASS officer read out that nothing came out of the parents that was new to the case, but she read out my sons statement first.." like...my mum is a bully..like my mum thinks she owns the world..like ummm...she doesnt treat me good.."
she then read my daughters statement
" my mum took good care of us while dad was in prison for 4 years. she took us to school everyday and bought whatever we needed.She loves us all and supports us in everyway. My dad is a liar he always calls my mum the "b" word. My aunty always tried to brain wash me against my mum but I thought if my mum was so bad why did she always leave her kids with my mother? and she continues to brain was my younger brother."
I think after this the judge had made her mind up and decided to give me the residence for my daughter. There was some things the judge needed more information from daughter so she went again. during this time x2b and his sister walked out and gave my daughter a bad angry look. The next time the statement was read " I like my daddy too and I dont want him to be angry with me for speaking the truth I still want to be a prt of his family too"
she refused for any orders to be placed on her and therefore I did not get residence but she wants to be treated as an adult. I now have two adults 17 yrs old son who is 50-50 daughter who spoke in my favour but res 50-50 the fight continues for son 11. X2B did not allow him to say hello to me when they came home at night. son shouted at me for bribing daughter? and he now refuses to talk to me. there will be detailed interviews regarding his views. X2B coninutes to brain wash him against me.
any advice for this would be helpful. x2b shouted that I do not need to take him to school from now on and no need for me to wash or iron his clothes? I replied he is still my son and we still share parental responsbilty on which he swore at me.

ssoria wrote:

she refused for any orders to be placed on her and therefore I did not get residence but she wants to be treated as an adult. I now have two adults 17 yrs old son who is 50-50 daughter who spoke in my favour but res 50-50 the fight continues for son 11. X2B did not allow him to say hello to me when they came home at night. son shouted at me for bribing daughter? and he now refuses to talk to me. there will be detailed interviews regarding his views. X2B coninutes to brain wash him against me.
any advice for this would be helpful. x2b shouted that I do not need to take him to school from now on and no need for me to wash or iron his clothes? I replied he is still my son and we still share parental responsbilty on which he swore at me.

Understandably I think you have lost your flow form this point and I am not sure I understand.

Does your 15 year old daughter not want an order placed on her?

Do you have 2 x 17 year olds, a 15 year old and an 11 year old?

It might be me but can you clarify this please?

Gershie

sorry
I have three children son 17
daughter 15 will be 16 in april
son 11 will be 12 in april
17 son did not attend court.dad forcing him to say he will live with him but my sols said he will be 18 soon no need to fight over him.
daughters statement was very much in my favour. but she gt scared if she asked res with me she would never see dad so she asked for no order. which i believe after one month would be applicable anyways?
son 11 will have to go thorugh further CAFCASS.
x2b completely trying to cut him off me now
hope its clearer:)

we had further argument as x2b wanted to take all three children to dubaai.He first said three days he was planning to stay at atlantis where I believe he would end up paying roughly £16,000 in total including fares
I actually agreed because I felt sorry for the children but later he changed the days to upto 14 days.I had to refuse permission because he was going to put the bill on credit card. our Ancillary Relief still on hold and I am already in debt.
I asked him to reduce his trip to seven days but he refused.
I feel sorry that due to his stubborness kids have to loose out on holiday even that dubaai is not covered by hague convention I was nearly going to let them all go.

Hi

First of all lets address Dubai.

I would resist any holidays abroad, particularly to Dubai when residence and ancillary issues are still outstanding. As you rightly say, the expense which you may end footing the bill for. Secondly, I am surprised that the children would want to go if ex appears, from what you say to be a controller (mind you that's kids for you). If you refuse permission how will the older kids feel about that?

A prohibitive steps order will stop the trip, particularly as its outside the Hague convention.

In relation to the kids, the older two are not a problem, they are old enough to make their own decisions. The younger one is difficult, he from what you say, has been alienated from you. If he will not talk to you there is little that you can do, unless CAFCASS will intervene and setup some kind of meeting for your boy and yourself, where they can observe the interaction between the two of you. I don't how CAFCASS would view a refusal by the ex to this, it may indicate to them that he is controlling what the boy does and may work in your favour.

Your problem is that the boy is at the age where his views are taken notice of and unless you can show that ex is controlling what the boy says you are going to struggle. It is all kids interests to have a relationship with both parents and CAFCASS should be prepared to promote that or to advise you on how to achieve it.

Hope this helps

Gershie

Thank you Gershie,
Yes he also used that against me that because of mum we cannot go on holiday.He picks on every small thing to pick on me even a teacup left on the worktop to say I am lazy!
My daughter made it very clear that dad and aunty tried thier best to influence her but she being 15 could see the truth however The younger son may not be able to see if he is bribed with expensive gifts and promises of grand holidays in future. I am finding it hard now even more that he has taken the younger son as a pot of gold for himself and wont let son part from him even for a sec. My sons seems to be hating me so much now. I dont want it to get to the stage where he meets CAFCASS again and says all negative things about me. Would cafcass read what my daughter said? and will they see I loved him so much and cared for him while x was in prison I took them all to visit him in prison.

Hi Ssoria

Unfortunately CAFCASS are the people you have to deal with. They are the people the court listen to and unless you can prove otherwise or question CAFCASS themselves in court as to their findings if they are negative towards you then there is little you can do.

As I said, the boy will be listened to as he is of that age and unless his attitude towards you is seen as being controlled they are forced to accept what he says.

I would if I were you, attempt to speak to the CAFCASS manager at your local office and explain in positive terms what you want to achieve. Then ask for advice in how to go about achieving this. The report writer maybe working independently, be inexperienced so a more senior involvement may help.

Try and see. You have to get some evidence or support from somewhere and I would suggest that this should be your first stop.

The only alternative, I know you will not like this, is to have your son appear before the judge so that he can be questioned there and the judge may see that the child is in some discomfort about relating what he says and act accordingly.

Gershie