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OMG! I'm shocked,don't know what to do now

  • marky27
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23 Mar 10 #193759 by marky27
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Hi all,

I am new on here so please bear with me. I couldn't find the right heading for this post, please accept my opologise!

I am RP of a 9 year old girl. In short my and my ex split 8 years ago, ex wanted no contact, and didn't not have contact or pay csa for 5+ years. He moved 7 hours away and that was that I never heard from him until a year ago.

As you can appreciate it was a shock when his sol contacted me a year ago regarding contact to our D. However D and her father were complete and utter strangers.

I agreeded to meet him and talk things thorough. To my surprise he was changed man completley different to when I last knew him. We agreed one step at a time. We started with phone + msn contact then web cam, ect then he meet with D at mine for a good few months amd then eventually unsupervised (4 hours on Sat & Sun)

So far everything was going well.
he was married and stable, we introduced his wife very slowly approx 6 months later.

Then it took a turn. A order for contact came thorough the post with a direction hearing in place? totally baffled I asked ex what had he done? he said it was complicated but not to take it personal?

Next thing I had a social worker visit me, completly stunned by this as you can imagine. She asked me if he was the father ect to D I Confirmed yes.

She went on to explain that my ex was known to police and social services as involved with child neglect, another child who lived with him for 2 years during the period that we had no spoken (6 years) he never told me this. The mother of his other child died in a car crash, and other agencys had reported their concerns regardIng his other child, they interevened at it was voluntarily agreeded that his other child live with the grand parents. The social worker recommended supervised contact only, and ex hit the roof!
leading him to kick my front door in and he got arrested.
Ex admitted to judge that the other child was on a child protection plan and he agreeded himself that it would be the best intertest of that child to live with the grandparents.
And insisited on unsupervised contact to our D!!!!

I was totally dumb struck and feel now that this whole approach was the "foot in the door technique" which I clearly fell for, his going down the route of " I am already having contact and the relationship with our D is being built!

This was raised at the hearing and supervised contact was in place for 6 months only, then review to unsupervised. The judge has not instructed Cafcass yet and I am totally confused and self-rep, no child welfare check had been done for court yet?

Please can some explain the procedure and advise what I should or could do next?

Also what type of contact do you think he will get?

His other child was removed 2 months before the first hearing and was on this child plan thing for 18 months before the child went to its grand parents, if this helps

I am so depressed and feel physically sick from worry and feel stupid that I ever fell for it not alone the risk I have stupidly put my D at!!

I am at a loss :(

  • Confused2
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23 Mar 10 #193984 by Confused2
Reply from Confused2
Hi, I couldn't advise on the process or the likely outcome, but would suggest that you try not to worry too much. Please bear in mind that the authorities are intervening to protect your daughter from what they consider to be a possible risk. I would suggest that it is in everyone's interests for you to work with them.

If Social Workers are involved it is possible that they might complete one or two assessments, the first within about 10 days, the next might take many weeks. The results of the assessment should be shared with you.

To know more, you might find the Social Worker who visited you can advise what might happen next. If you don't want to ask then the council website might have some more generic guidance, you might have received a letter or leaflet with a weblink on it.

Best wishes

  • marky27
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24 Mar 10 #194014 by marky27
Reply from marky27
Hello C2,

Many thanks for responding!

It is rather complex and I was just totally flaberglasted, to be honest my pride got dented to, I felt so stupid.

I have only met with the social worker once and she just wanted to make sure I was protecting my D so she was happy to leave us be.

I did try to ask her few questions once I got over the initial shock, but she went onto explain that she couldn't under some protection act, or something, tell me any details as the other child is not mine and I am not a parent to that child and only the parents to the other child are allowed to know what the details are.

She could only confirm it was neglect and that no sexual activites or allegations were involved, it appeared to be more about him as a parent and his mental capabilities, I think.

She did say that a report will be given to court once ordered, but I probably will not get to see all the content again, some protection act.

Who will see the report then? and how will I be able to decide what contact I should or should not agree to if I don't know what is in the report?

I am self -repping, so I have no idea what i'm doing! UHUH

  • hawaythelads
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24 Mar 10 #194015 by hawaythelads
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I'd ignore every court order and not allow contact.Let him keep dragging you back to court turn up and say it's for your child's protection.People seem to get a different judge every time you turn up to court another one might agree.
Also theres enough decent blokes who give up in the face of continual non compliance of court orders by resident mothers.So should be easy with a bloke who hasn't been around for 7 years and has a care order against another kid.
All the best

  • marky27
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24 Mar 10 #194028 by marky27
Reply from marky27
Hi Pete,

Thanks for your reply,

I don't think the courts were ever involved and don't think there is a care order, from what I could gather it was all voluntary, a child plan was set in place some time ago, and ex followed most recomm> but over time it proved unsucssefull, I think.

The only court process involved is the contact order, which I have been warned I have to stick to regardless otherwise I could go to prison!!!

It has sickened me I have done nothing wrong!
From what I have managed to find out, is that contact is put in place as a starting point with reviews to move forwards in future contact, bloody hell this really worries me! unfortunatley I just dont have the knowledge or skills to understand the courts or social services.I am trying to get legal rep, just have to wait and see if I qaulify for some help, cause I need by all accounts x

  • melsywooh
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24 Mar 10 #194050 by melsywooh
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Welcome Marky27,

Your situation is similar to mine in some ways especially the social serivices issue.

my ex was involved but i did know about it back then (5 years ago) what i didn't know but needed to know was an update to see how things had progressed.

Hear I am a year later still waiting for the social serivices report, I was also told that I would not be able to see the report and that CAFCASS will take sgments out and add it to their own report!

As my ex's child is nothing to do with me either.

please look at one of my previous post as two members posted some very good information regarding social serives system you may find that helpfull.

I cant encourage you to breach your order, but can sympathise as to why you would want to, I have missed a few sessions myself and some days I feel like sticking my fingers up and having nothing more to do with it, and then I -re think once i'v calmed down.

I know it is easy to say "try not worry" but the judge will know everything he needs to even if you dont.

hopefully some other members may be able to add bit more detail.

Good Luck

  • Confused2
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24 Mar 10 #194155 by Confused2
Reply from Confused2
Don't feel stupid, I might have jumped the gun.

Quite rightly, you will not be able to see any information about a child that is not your own or information about your ex (that's the Data Protection Act). That same Act does give you the right to see what information about yourself is held, with enquiries focussed on your ex, there might be very little information to share.

The reference to neglect was perhaps to reassure you, possibly more than you should have been told. I don't mean to imply that this is not a serious issue, only that neglect takes place over a long time period, certainly not something that could occur under supervised contact. I'd agree that this appeared to be more about him as a parent, consequently I wouldn't expect you to see much of the report beyond what relates to you and your daughter (Data Protection Act again).

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